The Crystal Heart
by Dragonflyr
Summary: Whoever holds the Crystal Heart, holds happiness itself it their hands. Kurama is dead and now Hiei vows to find a way to bring him back. Can he keep his promise, and his sanity? Warning: shonen ai. KuramaxHiei No longer a oneshot Please R&R COMPLETE!
1. The Crystal Heart

Hey all you out there in Reader Land! Um...I'm kind of nervous to post this, but here goes anyway. This is a shonen ai fic, so if you don't like it, don't read it. I'm not saying that to be mean, I just don't like flames is all. To be honest, I didn't like the idea of Kurama and Hiei as a couple at first, especially since I really don't think the show implies that in any way, but for the purposes of fluffy little fanfics like this one, I think it's an okay idea. Anyway, those of you in my "fan club" who don't like shonen ai, please don't hate me for this. I probably won't write too many of these kind of fics, unless I get really good ideas, that is. Also, all you Mukuro-lovers, don't take offense by this, please! Mukuro just happens to creep me out and I don't really like her. So if she's kind of mean, don't be mad at me for it.

Disclaimer time! I do not own YYH. I also don't own the original idea of the Crystal Heart either. The original source is a bonus story at the end of Demon Diary number 1, which I recommend you all read because it is very good and it will make you want to cry! So now, without further ado...ON WITH THE FIC!!!

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**"W**hy?!" Hiei cried in a mix of anger and sorrow. He wasn't suppose to be able to love. He wasn't suppose to, but he did. And now, now that he was finally able to admit how he felt, this was how she repaid him?!?!

Mukuro didn't answer him, only continued to stare out the window. She had rejected him. She had told him he was being idiotic, that nothing came of love but weakness. She could feel Hiei's smoldering eyes boring into her back, but it couldn't be helped. She had closed off her heart and she didn't know how to reopen it. In truth, she didn't want to reopen it, not for anyone. After a long silence, Hiei was finally able to control his anger enough to talk again.

"What can I do to prove my feelings for you?" he asked in as calm a voice as he could mange.

Mukuro didn't know what to say. She might not love the little demon, but she still felt for him as a friend and it hurt her to see him like this, ready do anything to prove himself to her. She sighed. What could she do now? She didn't want to break his heart. He had spent so long hiding himself away, surrounding himself in an ice that no one could melt. And now that he had finally emerged from his dark hiding spot, she knew that if she hurt him, he would bury himself deeper still and this time, he would never come out. She didn't want to see that.

She stared in silence at her reflection for a long moment. What to do? _What to do?_ Then she had an idea. She would give him a task. An impossible task.

"Hiei," she said calmly, watching the smaller demon's reflection beside her own in the window. "Bring me the Crystal Heart, and I will accept your love."

"The Crystal Heart?" Hiei repeated to himself, as if afraid he would forget it and so lose his chance.

"It is said that whoever holds the Crystal Heart, holds happiness itself in their hands," Mukuro recited the child's tale she had heard long ago.

"I _will_ come back with that heart, Mukuro," was all Hiei said before he was gone. Mukuro sighed and stared out the window once more, wondering if she would ever see the mislead little demon again.

**(xxx)**

**_'T_**_he Crystal Heart...If anyone would know what that is, it would be the fox,'_ Hiei thought to himself as he ran from rooftop to rooftop in the Ningenkai city of Tokyo. It wasn't long before he found himself on the tree branch outside his friend's window.

Kurama was at his desk, reading. He looked up, sensing Hiei's energy, and smiled as he set the book down. Crossing the room, he opened the window and Hiei jumped in.

"Hiei. It's been a while. What brings you here?" Kurama asked, still smiling.

"Have you ever heard of the Crystal Heart?" Hiei asked, getting right to the point. Kurama's emerald eyes widened in surprise.

"So, you do know of it then," Hiei concluded.

Kurama sighed. "Why do you want to know about the Crystal Heart, Hiei? I think you'll find it rather hard to steal, if that's what you're planning."

"Why is that?" Hiei asked. He wanted all the details. Nothing was going to stand between him and this heart. Nothing.

"Hiei, tell me why you want to know," Kurama said, his features becoming more serious.

"Why would it be hard to steal?" Hiei asked again. He didn't have the patience to explain himself to the former Makai thief. Kurama's stare hardened to a glare and he locked eyes with Hiei for a moment. But it was only a moment, and soon Kurama sighed and sat down on the edge of his bed.

"Hiei, if you tell me why this is so important to you, then I'll answer all your questions about it," Kurama said. He had had his suspicions when Hiei first asked about such a thing, but the look in the shorter demon's eyes confirmed his fears. He had loved Hiei for a long time now, but he was afraid that telling the half-Koorime so would scare him off. Now he saw that Hiei wanted the Crystal Heart not for himself, but for someone else, which could only mean that he didn't return the fox's feelings. Kurama felt like shouting at Hiei, grabbing him and forcing him to understand how much that hurt. But he had vowed a long time ago that if nothing else, he would make sure Hiei was happy. If this would make Hiei happy, he had no choice but the help him, even if it meant forsaking his own feelings.

Hiei told him the entire story, voicing everything Kurama had seen in those blood red eyes. Kurama wanted to point out how little Mukuro cared, how she had only given Hiei this task in hopes that he would never complete it, but he knew the smaller demon wouldn't listen. Hiei was stubborn like that.

"So, I told you why. Now you answer my questions," Hiei said sharply. Kurama side glanced at him. This was all too much. He needed time to cope with what Hiei had just told him. Glancing at the clock, he found his excuse.

"It's nearly two a.m., Hiei. Why don't we sleep for now and I'll tell you all you want to know in the morning?" Kurama asked, yawning in fake exhaustion.

"You will tell me now!" Hiei growled, standing up. Kurama sighed and forced a smile.

"Hiei, I promise you that the Crystal Heart will still be there in the morning," Kurama said in almost a pleading tone. Hiei opened his mouth to say something else, but Kurama cut him off. "You can take my bed. I'll sleep on the floor." With that, the crafty fox left the room to get the spare blankets and pillows from the closet.

Hiei, now alone in the room, stared at the empty bed. The truth was, he really was tired. He had been up the past week, going over way after way to confront Mukuro. And now, now that she had thrown his feelings back in his face, he felt worn, beaten, tired. He suddenly realized how the thought of the bed was making his eyelids droop and he was hard put to stifle a yawn.

"Damn fox," he muttered as he pulled back the covers and crawled into Kurama's bed, falling asleep almost immediately.

Kurama re-entered the room moments later and smiled at the half-Koorime curled up in his bed. Placing the blankets and pillows on the floor, he changed into his pajamas and brushed his teeth. When he laid down on the floor, however, sleep couldn't have been further from his mind. He stared at the ceiling, mulling over everything Hiei had told him. A wave of hatred and jealousy washed over him as he thought of Mukuro, and he immediately felt ashamed of it.

Sitting up, he turned to the sleeping form in the bed beside him. Hiei's face was turned towards him, as open and innocent as a child. He smiled sadly, reaching out a tentative hand to run it down the shorter demon's cheek. Hiei made a small, unintelligible sound, but didn't wake.

"Oh Hiei..." Kurama whispered, feeling his eyes begin to sting. Why? Why had it come to this? Maybe...maybe if he had told Hiei how he felt before, maybe things would be different now.

"All I want is for you to be happy," Kurama whispered softly, inhaling the deep, rich sent that was Hiei.

**(xxx)**

**H**iei woke the next morning to find Kurama sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at him with an odd expression on his face. Hiei got the feeling that the fox hadn't slept and had in fact been watching him all night.

"Hiei," Kurama said slowly, and his voice was full of an emotion Hiei couldn't place.

"Hn. What fox?" Hiei asked, trying to shrug off Kurama's less then normal behavior.

"Are you sure that this will really make you happy? Mukuro will make you happy?" Kurama asked. His head was bowed, his bangs hiding his eyes in shadow.

"...Yes," Hiei answered, somewhat hesitantly. What was the fox getting at? Now Kurama looked up, and Hiei could see his eyes were bright with tears.

"The Crystal Heart," Kurama began, "Is a symbol of one person's love for another. Whoever holds the Crystal Heart--"

"Holds happiness itself in their hands," Hiei finished. "Mukuro said that too, but what does it mean?" Kurama gave a short chuckle at that, smiling as tears continued to stream down his face.

"I just want you to be happy, Hiei," Kurama said in almost whispered, extending a hand to cup the side of Hiei's face. Hiei was rather startled by the action and tried to pull away. But before he could, Kurama leaned down and gently locked his lips with that of the half-Koorime.

Hiei's eyes flew open. Kurama kept his closed. Soon, the shock of the fox's actions wore off and Hiei roughly pushed the red head, sending him falling to the floor.

"What the _hell_ was that?!" Hiei growled. Kurama only looked up at him and smiled.

"You're happiness is all I ever wanted," Kurama said softly, raising one hand to his chest. Hiei's eyes widened in horror as Kurama plunged his hand into his own chest.

"_Kurama?!_ What?" Hiei took a step back in confusion.

"I...tried...to tell you...before," Kurama managed, slowly removing his blood soaked hand from his chest. "You cannot...steal...the Crystal Heart. It...must be...given. I love you...Hiei. Be...happy." With that, Kurama fell forward in the puddle his own blood had created on the floor. His once sparkling emerald eyes were dull and lifeless. In his outstretched hand, he held the Crystal Heart. His heart.

**(xxx)**

**"L**ord Mukuro?" one of the guards asked.

"Yes, what is it?" Mukuro replied.

"If you don't mind me asking, what _is_ the crystal heart?"

Mukuro sighed. "When a person loves someone with all their heart and soul, their feelings crystallize and that person's very heart becomes a beautiful gem, the ultimate expression of one's love."

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So, love it? Hate it? Let me know. I still think it's so sad!!! Tell me that didn't make you want to cry, I dare you!


	2. Regrets

Have any of you noticed that none of my one-shots ever stay one-shots? I don't know what that means...I guess I'm good at leaving you begging for more, or something. In any case, due to popular demand, I've decided to add more chapters to this story. So, this is how it's going to work. **Read this part:** This chapter will be about Hiei's reaction to what Kurama did, and I will write two more chapters about Hiei giving his heart to Kurama and Kurama's reaction. **'Kay. You can stop reading my note now if you want to.** Once again, I want to apologize for my Mukuro meanness. I know I should be more sympathetic towards her, given her past and all, but she's still just naturally kind of creepy. To be honest, I guess I don't really _hate_ her, I just needed a reason for Hiei to need to find the Crystal Heart. Anyway, forgive me? I hope so. So...um...yeah! ON WITH THE FIC!!!

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**H**iei stared in shock at the fallen form before him. The puddle of crimson on the floor slowly spread outwards, licking his boots. He didn't move, just stared in wide eyed silence.

_'What...? Why...? Kurama...' _Hiei's mind tried to make sense of what he had just seen. Kurama lay stretched out before him, the Crystal Heart still clutched in his cold hand. Hiei's eyes moved to it, seeing the blood stained face of the gem between his friend's fingers. _Friend. _Was that really all Kurama wa--had been to him? Obviously, Kurama thought differently.

Hiei became aware that his legs were shaking and before he could stop himself he had sunk to his knees on the wet carpet. He could feel Kurama's blood begin to soak through his pants. Hiei's eyes shifted to fall on the fox's face. He couldn't see Kurama's face as it was hidden behind his hair.

Slowly, in a jerky, mechanical fashion, he turned Kurama over and laid the kitsune's head in his lap. Kurama's cold, lifeless eyes were still open, and Hiei looked away as he closed them gently. When he turned back and gazed at his friend's dead face, he felt something kindle in his heart. Something that made him forget all about Mukuro and the Crystal Heart Kurama had sacrificed himself for.

"Kurama..." Hiei managed to whisper out loud. He heard a soft _thunk_ beside him and turned to see a black teargem laying on the bloody carpet. He reached a hand up to feel his wet cheek in amazement. He hadn't even realized he was crying.

"I...I'm sorry, Kurama," Hiei choked as more teargems fell to the carpet. "I....I...." he tried to say something else, but his voice had frozen. What could he say now? He had realized how wrong he had been about his feelings, but what good did it do now? Kurama was dead, and it was all his fault.

_"Your happiness is all I ever wanted."_

Those had been Kurama's words. He had died to make Hiei happy, so Mukuro wouldn't reject him. But Hiei could never be happy now.

"Baka," Hiei muttered as he hugged Kurama's body closer to him, burying his nose in the crimson locks that still smelled faintly of roses. "Couldn't you think about yourself, just once?" He squeezed his eyes shut and said in an almost child-like whisper, "I love you. Please don't leave me alone."

The teargems were cascading to the floor unchecked now, but Hiei didn't care. The puddle of blood on the floor had now soaked through his clothing completely, but Hiei didn't care. The Crystal Heart, the thing Hiei had been so determined to have, lay forgotten on the bloodstained carpet, and Hiei didn't care.

**(xxx)**

**M**ukuro turned as the door to her chamber opened. Hiei stood there, but she barely recognized him. His head was bowed and he was covered in blood, blood that didn't smell like his own. His right hand trembled, something clutched in his bandaged fist.

"Hiei...?" she asked. She hadn't expected him to return, or at least not so soon.

"I told you I'd bring it to you, and here it is," Hiei growled so low she barely caught the words. She sidestepped as something whizzed past her head, shattering against the wall behind her. She turned and gasped as she recognized the blood red shards on the ground. She looked back at the door, but Hiei was already gone. This time, she knew he wouldn't return.

With a sigh, she turned back to the remains of the Crystal Heart on the floor behind her. Vaguely, she wondered who it had belonged to, and how Hiei had gotten it.


	3. Missing

Alright, since I couldn't think of a way to write this so that Hiei gave his heart to Kurama without the plot being completely stupid and cheesy, I'm just going to continue with what I already have. I'm so glad you all seem to like this one so much. I just read over the first two chapters myself and wondered 'Did I really write this?' Even I was disappointed there wasn't another chapter, so here it is. Enjoy. (Gotta love my catch phrase here) ON WITH THE FIC!

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"**A**ny sign of him?" Koenma asked as Botan entered the office, here hair windswept from hours of long travel on her oar and bags under her eyes from the shear exhaustion caused by it.

"No sir," she sighed, brushing a strand of sapphire hair away from her eyes. "Mukuro hasn't seen Hiei for almost three months." She was silent for a moment before she looked up again at her boss, tears in her lavender eyes. "You…you don't really think Hiei is the one responsible do you?"

"I don't know, Botan," Koenma answered truthfully. "Hiei was blocking my surveillance the night it happened so I have no proof that he didn't do it. And the fact that he's hiding now and didn't even show up for Kurama's funeral doesn't exactly clear his name either."

"But…but we still haven't recovered Kurama's soul…" Botan muttered, not quite sure what significance that had to proving Hiei's innocence.

"All I know are the facts we have," Koenma sighed, sounding just as tired as Botan looked, "and the facts we have say that when Hiei entered Kurama's house Kurama was alive and when Hiei left he was dead."

"I…I know…but…but….Hiei wouldn't…" tears were starting to slide down the blue haired deity's cheeks. Koenma sighed again, messaging his temples with the forefinger and thumb of one hand. The last thing he need was for Botan to break down in his office, _again_.

"Botan, go get some sleep. Hiei will stay hidden as long as he wants to be hidden; you know that as well as I do. When he wants to be found, we'll find him."

**(xxx)**

**H**iei sat on a branch high above the ground, cloaking his ki so thoroughly that he even he could barely feel it. He stared at the blood red gem in his hands. The thing he had thrown at Mukuro hadn't been Kurama's real heart. He had found a large, cheep ruby and thrown that instead. He would never break the fox's heart, not physically anyway. No, his love's crystallized feelings were far too precious to waste on Mukuro.

To be fair, Mukuro wasn't to blame. She was a strong leader and a good friend, one of the few friends he let get close to him. He had expressed his feelings for her, or the feelings he had thought he had anyway, and she, being just as emotionally challenged as he was, could not simply reject him. So instead, she had given him what she thought to be an impossible task and hoped he would either eventually give up or spend the rest of his life searching and in any case never bring up the uncomfortable situation again. In all honesty she wasn't any more to blame than anyone else. The real blame rested with him, he just wasn't ready to accept it.

He continued to stare at the gem, watching the light of the setting sun shine from the gem's many surfaces. It had been three human months now. His fox was probably buried by now. For some reason that thought angered him, but he couldn't understand why. What else did he expect them to do with a dead body?

Dead.

Kurama truly was dead, wasn't he?

Hiei still stank of his blood. It didn't matter how many baths he took or what clothes he wore, all he could smell was the fox's blood. It made him want to retch every time he inhaled, so he had taken to breathing through is mouth and avoiding doing so through his nose whenever possible. He'd even tried a variety of demon perfumes, none of which smelled like much of anything too far from rotting meat. But these only covered up the smell, they didn't get rid of it, nothing would ever get rid of it.

He hadn't slept in a week. Every time he closed his eyes he watched Kurama burry his hand in his chest and pull out his own heart again. And those words! Those horrible haunting hideous words that tormented him constantly, always drifting through his mind in that gentle alto that he would never hear again.

"_Your happiness is all I ever wanted."_

His hand clenched tighter around the crystal heart in his hand. His body shook with the effort it took to hold back the oncoming tidal wave of tears. Never in all his life had any of the unspeakable horrors he had experienced ever brought him to tears…until now. Growling, he stood up on the branch, glaring down that the heart in his hand as blood began to drip from the skin that the gem had pierced in his overly tight grip.

"I will find a way to bring you back, Kurama!" Hiei snarled. Then his gaze softened and he brought the heart in his hand forward to rest against his chest, against his own heart. "I promise I will," he whispered, allowing one teargem to fall to the forest floor below.

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Gomen it's so short. I'll update my other fics soon too, I promise! In the meantime, review please! Arigato in advance.


	4. Dream?

Alright I'm back. Now, have I finally done Mukuro justice and made her come off nice but just having made a bad choice of handling the situation she was faced with? That's all I really meant for her to come off like but I've got a couple would-be-flames from Mukuro lovers that inform me that I portrayed her to be bitch. I honestly didn't mean for there to be any real Mukuro bashing really. When I first wrote this I hadn't even seen an episode with Mukuro and I was just going off some vague information I had from some character overviews from a few yyh sites. So, I'm sorry if Mukuro came off as overly mean and cold hearted but I hope I've made amends for that now.

In other news, this chapter and onward is where this fic might start to get a little weird and hard to follow, but I assure you it's supposed to be that way. As you may have noticed in the last chapter, Hiei has gone slightly nutty with grief over Kurama, what with smelling his blood and hearing his voice and whatnot. Really I think the new Simple Plan song "Untitled" portrays Hiei's situation pretty well, I don't own said song or band but listen to it if you can, it really does fit pretty well. But back on topic, after this is when he really starts to loose his mind, which doesn't help his quest to bring his love back too much. Anyway, just read and enjoy, you'll see what I mean soon enough. ON WITH THE FIC!

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**H**iei sat on the branch, staring at the crystal heart still clutched in his hand. It had become almost a permanent part of him, an extra appendage and an extension of his own heart. It had been five days since he had made his promise and he wasn't any closer to reviving his lost fox. Every lead he got was either a complete dead end or else only lead him to a powerless fool of a demon who had no idea what kind of power it really took to raise the dead, all of which cases Hiei was more than glad to dispatch to the world of the dead which they claimed to know so much about. Now, as night set on the Makai, Hiei's main focus was fighting the sleep that was threatening to overtake him and send him spiraling back to the world of his nightmares.

Softly, in a whisper to himself, Hiei began to speak the small scraps of plans he had managed to make that would help him bring Kurama back, despite the fact that he had already gone over these plans at least a million times just that day.

"The body may look human but had demon flesh, had it since he was ten," Hiei spoke softly, forcing out the word 'body.' "Because of this, it won't decay as fast. I probably have at least another two months before I'll need to find some alternative to the original body, but until then the human body of Shuichi will do just fine. And the soul…" here Hiei trailed off and gazed down at the heart in his hands. "Koenma never did recover your soul," he whispered to the gem he was holding. "At first it puzzled me, until I realized what the crystal heart was. 'A crystallization of a person's feelings' is what the book said but all that really means is a crystallized soul. Kurama…"

It was the first time the half-Koorime had spoken that name in over a month. Despite his best efforts to keep his voice level it came out as a horse half choked sob. When he had first realized the truth that he had just spoke, that the heart was Kurama's soul, he had felt relieved and despaired at the same time. He was relieved because with both the soul and the body at his disposal, it would make it much easier for him to resurrect his dead love. But it made him despair as well because it also made him realize that if he didn't do what he planed, if he was unable to bring Kurama back, his soul would never move on. Instead of going to Reikai and gaining the afterlife he deserved, Kurama's soul would remain trapped in the crystal heart forever unless Hiei found a way to free it.

No matter what he felt about the idea that the heart was indeed Kurama's soul, Hiei had no qualms about talking to it as if it was. It made him feel better in some strange way he couldn't understand.

Sleep was winning its battle against the demon and he held the heart closer as he felt himself giving in. "Don't torment me any more," he almost begged the heart. He wasn't sure if Kurama could really hear him, all attempts to reach the fox with his Jagan had failed, but he had to try anyway. He couldn't take the nightmares anymore. "I don't want to watch you die for me again." With that last voiced thought, Hiei lost the battle and his eyelids slipped closed.

**(_Hiei's Dream…or is it?_)**

**A**t first, he didn't know where he was. It was warm wherever it was. He was in a bed. The covers were comfortable and familiar. But that wasn't where the warmth was coming from. The warmth was behind him, pressed against him, and with a shock he realized there was a pair of arms wrapped around him in a secure hug. (Before I go any further, know that they are both fully clothed, you hentai people you.)

Hiei went tense with shock, not daring to look behind him. It couldn't be….was it a dream...Gods, please don't let it be a dream!

"Hiei, what's wrong?" came a muffled, half asleep question from behind him, spoken in that sweet alto he thought was lost to him forever. Turning slowly in the hold he was caught in, he faced the person behind him. He let a gasp escape him unchecked and his eyes went much wider then he normally ever let them get.

There, behind him, _hugging_ him was the red haired green eyed beauty he had spent three months mourning. He felt his eyes sting as his vision clouded with tears he didn't even bother to conceal. It was horribly uncharacteristic of him to do so, but he didn't care. He couldn't decide if this was a dream or not or if everything else had been a dream or just what was going on, but dream or not it was the first time in months he had seen Kurama and not had the vision accompanied by the heart and all that blood and those haunting words.

Kurama, who had closed his eyes again, having only been half conscious when he had asked his question, opened them when he felt Hiei move. His intention was to smile at his lover, but the look on Hiei's face brought him to full concerned awareness in a second.

"Hiei!" he cried, "What in the world is it? What's the matter?"

Hiei couldn't contain himself any longer. To hell with any scrap of pride and dignity he had left. He threw his arms around the fox and buried his face in his chest, letting the tears fall unchecked.

Kurama was shocked. Hiei had never, **_never_** acted like this before. What could have upset him so horribly? Kurama didn't have the faintest idea.

"Hiei…" Kurama tightened his own hug on the fire demon, stroking his soft black hair with one hand. "Hiei," he said again in a soft, comforting voice, "tell me what's wrong. Was it a nightmare?"

"I…I don't…know," Hiei replied honestly, his tears slowing but only fractionally. He still wasn't sure which reality was a dream and which was real. Was the truth that Kurama was dead, or was where he was now the truth and the rest had been a nightmare? He honestly didn't know anymore, but he sincerely hoped it was the latter.

"What was it about?" Kurama prompted gently, still petting the smaller one's hair. Hiei took a shaky breath before slowly unraveling the tale to Kurama. He told him everything, leaving nothing out. From Mukuro's task to find the crystal heart, to Kurama's sacrifice, to the utter loneliness and despair the half-Koorime had experienced afterwards. All the while Kurama listened, never interrupting or speaking at all except to coo encouraging words in his love's ear whenever he halted his story.

"There, there," Kurama whispered gently when the story had finished and Hiei's tears had ceased. There was a good sized pile of dark teargems in the bed around them. "I'm not dead, I'm right here. There's no need to be so upset."

Hiei raised his head from Kurama's chest, the look of a lost child plastered on his face. Kurama's heart went out to the poor demon, it was clear to see he was confused and above all scared at the idea that his nightmare could be real. Kurama rubbed a thumb over each of Hiei's cheeks, wiping them dry. "It's alright," he assured Hiei again, smiling softly. "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere, I promise. It's past midnight, why don't you go back to sleep?" Kurama brushed some teargems away, he'd clean them up properly in the morning, and settled himself back into a comfortable position.

Hiei looked hesitant, still shaken by the nightmare, but Kurama only held him closer and said "I won't leave. I'll be here the whole time. I promise, if it looks like you're having a nightmare again, I'll wake you up. Okay?" Hiei stared for a moment longer before nodding and letting his head sink into the soft pillow just below Kurama's head, feeling the taller one's breathing ruffling some of his longer spikes of hair.

"Kurama?" he asked just as sleep began to fog his senses.

"Hmmm?" the question was hummed from above him.

"…I love you." There was a chuckle from above him.

"I love you too, Hiei."

**(_End Hiei's Dream…or was it a dream?_)**

**H**iei woke with a start and nearly fell out of the tree. It took a minute for him to realize where he was, but then he felt something in his hand and looked down to see…the crystal heart?

"NO!" he roared, practically jumping to a stand, his mind a mix of confusion and loss and frustration.

"No…" he sank to his knees on the branch, staring at the heart, tears pricking his eyes, clouding his vision. "No…this isn't right. This isn't what's supposed to happen. This…this…" his eyes hardened into cold rubies and he stood up again, pocketing the heart deep within his cloak and allowing green flame to engulf his fists. "This isn't real!" he snarled, practically a scream.

That night, a good portion of the northern forests of the Makai burned to the ground in an emerald blaze.


	5. Guilt

It's me again. I'm really starting to love where this story is going, aren't you? Not much to say today, except congrats to Ebbster, the only one who noticed the whole fire color thing (that'll explain itself in a minute). Here Ebbster, have Hiei and Kurama plushies. And now, ON WITH THE FIC!

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"**Y**ep, that's definitely Hiei alright," Koenma said mostly to himself, his eyes never leaving the green fire consuming the demon forest on his TV screen.

"B-but sir," Jorge stammered, "isn't Hiei's fire more…um…purplish?"

Koenma sighed, sitting back in his chair, still staring at the screen. "That is true Ogre, but as you probably know, both reiki and youki are directly connected to a person's emotions. Take for example when Yusuke's power was unreachable to him for that brief time during the Dark Tournament. Sometimes, the emotions of the wielder can be so…shall we say 'out of whack' that the wavelengths are disrupted to the point that the color of an attack or even the attack itself can change drastically."

"So…Hiei is under some kind of emotional stress?" Jorge asked, unsure he had followed the explanation right.

"Yes, Ogre, and by the looks of it it's pretty sever." Koenma leaned forward again, studying the wild green flames. "By the looks of things…I'd say Hiei is pretty dangerously distraught and experiencing a rather strong depression."

"He's feeling all that? What would cause him to act like that?" Jorge wondered out loud.

"Your guess is as good as mine," Koenma replied solemnly.

**(xxx)**

**H**iei finally stopped near a large cave. After burning the forest he had started to run. He didn't know why or where he was going, he just felt the urge to get as far away as possible. The cave was spacious and didn't feel as though anyone had inhabited it in a long time. Hiei crouched before it for a few minutes longer, panting heavily. No sleep had left him with little energy, almost all of which he had used to burn the forest. What troubled him most was the color of the fire. Why green?

Shaking the thought from his mind, Hiei entered the cave just as a flash of lighting lit up the dark sky and large raindrops began to fall. He sat in the very back of the cave, in the darkest corner there was. The entrance was but a pinprick of light in the distance. It didn't matter, he could see perfectly well in the dark and besides, he didn't really feel in the mood to be in the light anyway.

Delving a hand deep into the folds of his cloak, he produced the heart and stared at its glossy surface for a few minutes. "Why?" he finally asked it. "Is this my punishment for killing you? To be doomed to an eternity of seeing you when I sleep and losing you when I wake? Or is this the nightmare and the other is the waking world?" Hiei trailed off, still watching the heart. Finally he turned away and pocketed it again. He couldn't bare the sight of it any longer. It was a constant reminder of what he had had in the palm of his hand and unwittingly thrown away so carelessly.

His fists balled as anger returned to his being at the thought of his stupidity. He had done this to himself. His tormented fate had been brought about by nobody's hand but his own. He was ready to accept that now. He was ready to take the blame and stop pretending it was Mukuro or even Kurama himself who was at fault. It was Hiei, the Forbidden Child, who had been too stupid to realize his own true feelings before it was too late.

"Baka!" he growled at himself, standing and laying a solid punch into the wall of the cave. A hole appeared and blood began to drip from his broken knuckles but he swung again with his other hand, creating another hole and spilling more blood.

"Baka! Baka! Baka! Baka! Baka!" he screamed at himself as he continued his assault on the wall, smashing it away bit by bit as his arms moved too fast for even Yusuke's eyes to have possibly followed.

"**BAKA!**" With that last scream he laid one final punch into the wall and then stood there, panting. All was quiet for a minute, the only sound in the cave being his own labored breaths. Then he heard a sound above him, causing him to look up. He immediately understood what was happening but was powerless to stop it. His attack on the wall had weakened its support of the cave ceiling and he had maybe seconds before the rocks came crashing down on him. But he couldn't move. He had used too much energy, first on the fire than running to the cave and finally destroying the wall. He didn't have the energy to take a single human-speed step, let alone invoke his own normal speed to get out of the way.

Sighing in defeat, he lowered his head again and closed his eyes, one hand reaching up to hold the crystal heart through the fabric of his cloak. "Kurama…" he whispered as the ceiling came crashing down and he knew no more.

**(xxx)**

"**H**iei!" Hiei was brought back to the edge of consciousness by the sound of someone calling his name and his arm being shaken rather hard.

"Hiei, please wake up! Hiei!" Hiei's heart jumped into his throat. He recognized that voice.

His eyes flew opened and he bolted upright, nearly colliding with the worried face of his beloved kitsune which had been just above him. Luckily, Kurama managed to lean back just in time to avoid smacking foreheads with the half-Koorime.

"Hiei!" Kurama cried in relief, pulling the fire demon into a tight hug. Hiei just stared at the fabric of Kurama's shirt. This wasn't happening again. It wasn't. He didn't need this to happen again and confuse him even more. He had almost convinced himself that this was only a dream and the other reality had been the real one, but being here again…feeling his fox against him…taking it his unique aroma…it couldn't be a dream. It just couldn't be.

"I was so worried, Hiei," Kurama whispered, apparently not noticing Hiei's unresponsiveness or else attributing it to shock from the nightmare his love had obviously been experiencing. "You started screaming and lashing out in your sleep and then you just stopped moving and wouldn't wake up no matter what I did."

At these words Hiei became aware of a stinging sensation on his cheek and reached a hand up to feel it. You couldn't feel pain in a dream…could you? No. So then this wasn't a dream. Right? He didn't know. He just didn't know.

Kurama felt the smaller demon's movements and looked down to see Hiei running his fingers over a red handprint on his cheek. Kurama winced slightly, a blush tinting his cheeks.

"Gomen nasai, Hiei," Kurama apologized softly, gently removing Hiei's hand from his cheek and delicately caressing the red spot with the back of his own hand. "You…you scared me. You just wouldn't wake up. Gomen nasai." Kurama leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to Hiei's cheek.

Hiei's eyes flew wide in surprise, but not in disgust like they had before, in the kitsune's bedroom on the day of his death in that other horrible reality. Kurama had been scared for him. The thought filled Hiei with a warm feeling that was utterly foreign to him. So far, all he had experienced of love was the pain of loss felt when a loved one is taken away. This warm feeling…was this what love was supposed to feel like? Tears were dripping down his face again and Kurama pulled back in surprise.

"Hiei?" the redhead asked gently. Instead of an answer, Hiei leaned up and kissed him on the lips. He half expected the fox to pull away, but to his utter delight he felt Kurama kiss him back and even run his tongue along the half-Koorime's lips, begging to be let in. Hiei was more than happy to comply and soon his head was spinning with ecstasy and disbelief as Kurama's hot tongue ran along the inside of his mouth, not missing a single spot.

"Kurama…" Hiei breathed when they finally parted for air, resting his head on the redhead's chest again and forcing all of his focus into not breaking down in a crying fit like he did last time. "Gomen nasai. I'm so, so sorry," Hiei whispered brokenly.

"Sorry? Whatever for?" Kurama asked, trying to pull back enough to see Hiei's face. But Hiei's hold on him was too tight and the fire demon kept his face hidden in the fox's chest.

"For being so stupid. For not seeing it soon enough to stop it. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! It's my fault, all my fault!" Hiei's voice cracked with emotion and he stopped cursing himself for being so weak. Kurama just stared wide eyed at the small demon clinging to him. Hiei had been rambling and he hadn't caught everything he had said, but he was terribly upset and thought that something, something rather gruesome and unfortunate by the sound of it, was his fault.

"Hiei," Kurama tried to reassure him, "nothing is your fault."

"But it is!" Hiei cried, finally pushing back and looking up to meet the redhead's eyes. Kurama almost gasped but managed to stifle it just in time. Hiei looked…broken. His eyes shone with unshed tears and he had such a horribly pained expression on his face. "I'm the one to blame. No one else. Me! It was my fault! It wasn't Mukuro's or yours, it was mine! My fault! My fault…" he trailed off, looking down and clenching his fists, his shoulder's shaking as he closed his crimson eyes and willed himself not to cry.

"Hiei…" Kurama didn't know what to say. What was Hiei talking about? Then a thought dawned on him and he wondered why he hadn't thought about it before. "Hiei, are you talking about that nightmare you had earlier? Did you have it again?"

Hiei let out a bark of a laugh that sounded more like a sob than anything else. "What I wouldn't give for it to be a nightmare," he whispered to himself.

"It is a nightmare, Hiei," Kurama tried to assure him but Hiei shook his head.

"You don't understand. It's so real, just like this. I feel it. I feel everything. The pain, the torment, the guilt. Everything! It's so real, too real. When I'm there, I'm certain that it's real and this is just some stupid optimistic dream my mind created to make me feel better. But when I'm here, I feel just the opposite. I'm certain that _this_ world is the real one, here with you, and the other is just what you say it is, a nightmare. It's so hard to tell, I can't tell!" By now Hiei had completely lost his fight against the tears and they cascaded down his face, adding to the pile of teargems left after his last breakdown.

Kurama just stared. Once again he had only understood about half of what his love had told him and he was left at even more of a loss than he had been before. Was what Hiei was saying true? Had he lost touch with reality so severely that he couldn't tell what was real and what was a dream?

"Hiei," Kurama started, reaching out to touch him, but Hiei's head flew up and he jumped back off the bed to stand beside it.

"Don't touch me!" he cried. His expression softened and he looked at the floor. "Please…every time you touch me it just makes it that much harder when I go back to that…that…nightmare or whatever the hell it is. Every time you try to comfort me and make me believe this is real, it just makes me hate myself that much more when I have to go back to that place where I can't be with you like this anymore. So please, Kurama, just stop. Please."

"Hiei…" Kurama feared for his friend's sanity now. What had gotten into Hiei? What was causing this? He stood up from the bed and tried to reach for Hiei again, but he stepped back out of reach.

"Please…" Hiei whispered hoarsely, teargems bouncing as they hit the carpet.

"Hiei, let me help you," Kurama begged, stepping forward again. Hiei shook his head, unable to speak, more tears falling. He continued to back up. Kurama saw that Hiei was backing towards the bookcase and alarms went off in his head. He couldn't remember what, but there was something about the bookcase, something he had left until morning when Hiei had arrived, something dangerous. Looking up, he saw it. The plant! Kurama had been watering a plotted plant he kept on top of his bookcase when Hiei had come in, soaked and cold from the rain outside. Rushing to help the little demon warm up, Kurama hadn't placed the pot fully back on the shelf and it now protruded dangerously far from the edge.

"Hiei!" Kurama tried to yell a warning and lunged forward, trying to grab the demon before he hurt himself. Surprised, Hiei jumped back, jostling the bookcase. Just as Kurama feared it would, the pot came crashing down on Hiei's head. Hiei fell, catching sight of his love's very blurry and very worried face before unconsciousness took him.

**(xxx)**

**H**iei opened his eyes slowly, groaning at the pounding in his head. He expected to be in Kurama's room but was forced to face a harsh reality when he looked around and found himself in a half-collapsed cave.

"No…not again," he groaned, unable to move. Everything hurt and he was so weak. Why did it have to be this way? Why did he deserve this? Then all the details of this world came back to him and he remembered exactly why he deserved this and so much more. He groaned for a third time and closed his eyes, trying to gather his strength to push the rocks off of him. If he didn't figure out which reality was the true one soon, he had no doubt that he would go farther out of his mind than even Sensui had been.


	6. Sick

This story is getting juicy now, ne? Which one is real? Which one's a dream? I could tell you, but that would ruin the suspense. I'm so evil. Anyway, here is where the story gets more complex in both realities, so try not to get confused on what's going on where, because there will be a lot to keep track of before long. I hope you're enjoying watching Hiei go nuts as much as I'm enjoying driving him there. I don't know why I'm deriving so much pleasure from this. I'm so very evil. ON WITH THE FIC!

**(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)**

**K**oenma eyed the two before him wearily. He didn't want to do this, Kami he _really_ didn't want to do this. But it was getting to the point where he didn't have a real choice anymore.

"Are you gonna explain why you called us here or just stare at us all day?" Yusuke asked impatiently. Kuwabara said nothing. He had a bad feeling about this meeting.

"Alright Yusuke, I guess I've kept you waiting long enough," Koenma sighed.

"You can say that again," Yusuke huffed. Koenma looked up sharply, but otherwise ignored the comment. In a moment the youth would know why he was so hesitant to reveal his reasons for calling them.

"I called you here, Yusuke, because I believe I've found Hiei," Koenma said calmly.

"No way! You found the shrimp!" Kuwabara exclaimed, a wide smile spreading across his face. He would never admit it to the shot tempered demon, but Kuwabara had really been worried about him.

"Well, what are you waiting for Koenma! Tell us where he is and we'll go get him!" Yusuke cried, smiling just as wide as Kuwabara. Koenma, however, remained emotionless as he folded his arms on the desk in front of him.

"It's not that easy, Yusuke," the three foot ruler said quietly.

"What do you mean?" Yusuke asked seriously, sobering from his momentary happiness and relief at finally hearing news of his missing friend.

"Hiei…has grown rather dangerous," Koenma began slowly, searching for the right words. "Something has happened to him…changed him. He's become…well…hazardous."

"What are you saying?" Yusuke asked, trying to figure out what Koenma was getting at, and more importantly why he was bringing it up. Kuwabara's bad feeling was back, twisting his stomach in knots.

"You mean the shrimp's gone…crazy?" Kuwabara asked slowly. Koenma sighed and then nodded.

"Yes, Kuwabara," he said simply.

"That's absurd!" Yusuke cried. "Hiei wouldn't…I mean, nothing could make _him_ lose it! He's too…too…crazy already to go crazy, you know?"

"Yes, I know Yusuke. The fact remains, Hiei is most defiantly _not_ in his right mind," Koenma stated, maintaining his calm demeanor.

"How do you know that?" Yusuke asked suddenly. They'd been searching for Hiei for months with no luck. How did Koenma suddenly know not only where he was but all about his mental stability as well?

"He's become unpredictable and destructive, Yusuke. I've seen the aftermath of what he's been up to the last two days and it's not pretty. He burned down a whole forest and then destroyed half a mountainside! It's clear to tell in the way his energy fluctuates so violently that there is something very wrong with him! He's a danger to himself and everything around him!" Koenma finished, standing in his chair and leaning over his desk to glare at the boy before him. A shiver went up Yusuke's spine as he suddenly got a very bad feeling, dreading what Koenma would say next.

"Why are you telling me this, Koenma?" The question was asked in such a clam voice, almost a whisper, Koenma was taken back slightly. He had expected Yusuke to yell but instead he was so quiet. Could he suspect…?

"Because, Yusuke, Hiei is a very powerful demon," Koenma sighed, sinking back to sit in his chair once more.

"And I'm the only one strong enough to take him, is that it?" Yusuke muttered, clenching his fists and staring at the ground.

"Take him? What are you talking about Urameshi?" Kuwabara asked, looking between Yusuke and Koenma in confusion.

"He wants us to go get Hiei, to stop him before he does real damage. Right Koenma?" Yusuke answered, looking up at the pintsized ruler.

"Yes Yusuke, that's right," Koenma said, just as quietly as Yusuke had asked. "I'd prefer you didn't kill him, if you can help it, but do whatever you have to in order to stop him." Yusuke nodded, narrowing his eyes and clenching his fists tighter.

"What are you guys talking about! We can't kill the shrimp!" Kuwabara cried in alarm.

"Haven't you been listening, Kuwabara?" Yusuke asked, his bangs hiding his eyes from view as he glared at the floor. "Hiei's lost it and now he's going on a rampage. It's only a matter of time before he stops smashing mountains and starts going after people. Maybe even humans. Hiei's a strong fighter. If he's as far gone as Koenma thinks, we might not be able to just capture him."

The room fell silent, the only sound being Yusuke's footsteps as he turned and walked out of the room. Kuwabara stood there for a moment longer in shock before glancing back at Koenma and hurrying to catch up with Yusuke. Koenma watched them go sadly, wondering if the next time he saw Hiei would be to judge his spirit.

**(xxx)**

**I**t was raining. The fat drops of water splashed against the ground forcefully enough to leave bruises on a person's skin. Or on a human's skin anyway. Hiei walked through the forest, unheeding of the stinging rain. He was terribly weak, having been drained of all energy to the point that his youki was practically nonexistent. His head throbbed and his right leg burned with every step while his chest was set afire with every straggled breath he took. His left eye was swollen completely shut and without his energy to warm him he was slowly going numb from the cold rain.

'_Is this real?'_ he wondered as he kept walking towards no particular destination. _'Is this world real? Is this pain real? Is any of this…anything that I've done here real? Is…is Kurama really dead? Or is he alive and this is a nightmare? Or am I just crazy? Does it really matter? Even if this is real and the other is a dream, couldn't I just sleep…sleep forever and take solace in the dream? No…that would be running away. I refuse to run. If this is what's real then I'll face it and live with it, I won't run from it.'_

Hiei's thoughts were interrupted as a strong coughing fit shook him, forcing him to his knees. Wonderful. He had let his energy drop so low he was making himself sick. Usually his core temperature was much too high to sustain the life of a virus or bacteria. But now that he was out in the cold without any energy to warm him he had put himself at risk. The truth was that his immune system was a rather poor one. Koorime's were much too cold for infectious agents to live long enough to make them sick and fire demons were much too hot. Therefore, both of them had almost nonexistent immune systems because they both relied on their core temperatures to kill any germs. Without that temperature defense, he had nothing.

Hiei growled as a sneeze erupted from him, wiping his running nose with a sleeve. A chill racked his body and he hugged his cloak closer, casting his crimson gaze around him. He needed to get out of the rain, somewhere warm. If he couldn't heat himself then he needed some other way to burn the sickness out.

Looking up at the sky in vain, he saw a thin line of smoke, almost blending in with the ashen grey clouds. As he started to follow the smoke, he wondered what he would do if he was met with hostility. He wasn't exactly in any shape to be fighting anyone. But what choice did he have? He could either take his chances with the smoke or stay out here and slowly freeze. He chose the smoke.

After an eternity of limping through the forest, interrupted regularly by coughing spells that made his cracked ribs burn in a blazing pain so strong he nearly passed out, he came upon a small cottage. He was vaguely reminded of a few 'fairy tales' Kurama had talked about once that always seemed to include some child finding a cottage in the woods and then getting eaten some point later. The moral of the story was obviously 'Don't go into a stranger's houses or something bad will happen, like you'll get eaten,' but at the moment the shivering demon didn't really care.

Slowly, he approached. There didn't seem to be anyone around. The cottage looked dark and he couldn't sense any youki in the area. He pushed on the door and it opened. Stepping inside he found a one room house with a table, bed, and fireplace. The fire was blazing but there didn't seem to be anyone around. The logical part of his mind argued that whoever lived here wouldn't just light a fire and leave, but the other part, the part that was overloaded with guilt and confusion and the haze of illness, didn't care.

Carefully peeling off his wet clothes, moving slowly so as not to gar any of his injuries, he took the crystal heart from his pocket and hung the dripping garments in front of the fire to dry. With his last bit of strength he limped to the bed. As he crawled between the warm covers he tried to imagine that he was in Kurama's bed, that he had come to the kitsune with his illness and now the redhead was nursing him as he always did when he came to him in need. Clutching the crystal heart close he drifted off to sleep, hoping in the back of his mind that the owner of the cottage wouldn't silt his throat in his sleep when he or she returned.

**(xxx)**

"**I** didn't think demons could get sick," a voice drifted over him, penetrating his muffled state of unconsciousness.

"They can, under certain circumstances," a voice Hiei both hated and loved answered, jolting the little demon awake. "When we get sick, we get a fever as our bodies try to kill the infectious agent with heat. Hiei's core temperature is usually very high and so works the same way, keeping him healthy. But somehow he has lost almost all of his energy and his temperature has dropped, allowing viruses and bacteria to live in his body. He doesn't have any defenses against these germs like we do, Yusuke. Without his usual heat he can very easily get sick."

"Oh, and you would know all about his 'usual heat,' wouldn't you Kurama?" Yusuke teased. Hiei could almost hear the playful smirk he was sure must decorate the delinquent's face.

"Yusuke!" the fox squeaked in embarrassment. Hiei, who had been lying with his eyes closed, merely listening to the conversation, opened them now and blinked at his surroundings. He was in Genkai's temple, lying on a futon in one of her rooms. Turning towards the door, he could see two shadows that he assumed belonged to Kurama and Yusuke. There was a warm washcloth on his forehead and a basin of water by his head.

Yusuke and Kurama's conversation apparently came to an end because they're voices suddenly stopped and Hiei could see Yusuke's shadow retreat to the left and out of sight. He closed his eyes as he heard the door slide open, partially because his head hurt and partially because he wasn't sure he wanted to see the fox that was silently crossing the room towards him.

'_Is this real?'_ he wondered, repeating his previous thoughts for this reality, hoping this time he might have an answer. He didn't.

He heard the fox settle by his side and the washcloth was removed from his forehead. He heard Kurama dip it into the water basin and wring it out. Soon his face was being gently bathed by the hot washcloth. He could feel Kurama's nimble fingers through the fluffy cloth, tracing the contours of his face. His forehead…his eyes…his cheeks…his nose…his lips. Every move was so loving, so gentle. Slowly, Hiei opened his eyes, casting his sickness dulled rubies upwards.

"Hiei…" Kurama smiled, relieved as he caught the shorter demon's eyes watching him. Hiei's emotions were tearing him apart inside. All the love he was capable of feeling was directed towards the kitsune, but at the same time he felt an overpowering hatred towards himself for having killed him in the other reality, and a strong confusion as he wondered if that reality was real, and if it wasn't then why he felt so much anger towards himself. It was making his head spin, but he wouldn't let that on this time. He would keep himself together this time. Easer said than done.

"Hn," he said simply, closing his eyes again. "Aren't you supposed to give a sick person a cold washcloth, not a hot one?" A soft chuckle sounded from above him, causing him to open his eyes once more.

"You don't have a fever, Hiei," Kurama smiled down at the ailing demon, rewetting the washcloth in the basin that Hiei could now see was steaming. "It's the lack of heat that's making you sick," Kurama continued as he wrung out the washcloth. Spreading the cloth over one hand, Kurama proceeded to trace the half-Koorime's features once more.

"Being out in the cold rain before you came to my house probably didn't help either," Kurama said as he gently ran the washcloth over Hiei's forehead, taking care not to put too much pressure on the closed Jagan. "It explains those nightmares too. Just fevered dreams, Hiei…anou…without the fever. Close your eyes." Hiei obeyed as Kurama gently passed the moist, warm cloth over each eyelid. Hiei reopened his eyes when he was done, wondering if Kurama was right. Was it possible that he was just sick, that his body's turmoil, while unknown to him at the time, had carried over into his dreams?

"I don't understand how you're energy could have dropped so drastically low, but your health is what's important at the moment. Let's worry about beating this illness now and what caused it later, ne?" Kurama was talking more to himself than to Hiei now, but his hand continued to travel over Hiei's skin, caressing his cheeks and delicate nose with the heated cloth. Hiei, remembering his friend's previous treatment with the cloth, recognized what was next on his path and wrapped a hand around his wrist. Kurama looked down in surprise, but made no move to stop him as Hiei removed the washcloth that was covering the fox's hand and gently pressed his lips to the heated skin.

"Hiei…" Kurama trailed off, not sure what to make of the odd show of affection. Hiei had been acting so strangely lately. He himself had just said it was because of the sickness, but he wasn't really sure he believed that. A simple ailment induced dream seemed like far too much of a petty thing to make Hiei act as unusual as he had been for the past day. Was there something else going on, something Hiei wasn't telling him?

"Hiei, you should get some rest," Kurama said, finally breaking the silence. He tried to pull his hand back, but Hiei kept his grasp on it strongly, shaking his head. "Hiei, what few defenses your body has need all your strength to fight this. What Yukina, Genkai, and I do to help will only go so far. You have to let yourself rest." Hiei shook his head again.

"No, I don't want to lose you again," Hiei whispered, placing Kurama's palm against his cheek and holding it there. He had sworn not to run away, not to show how much the last few days were affecting him, but somehow he found himself falling apart once more. Seeing Kurama, having him here beside him, his warm, soft hand pressed to the Jaganshi's cheek, it was too much. Too hell with it all, he wanted to stay here! "Every time I 'rest' I lose you and I don't want it to happen again. I don't know which is real and I don't care anymore. I want this, here with you. If that's running away from the truth, then so be it."

Kurama didn't say anything, just stared down into Hiei's dark, shimmering eyes. "Hiei…I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here, I promise."

"No." Hiei shook his head again, sighing as he tried to make the fox understand. "It doesn't matter if you're here or not. You've been here next to me all the times before and it still happened. I don't want it to happen again. I want to stay here with you. I don't want to leave."

"Leave? And go where, Hiei?" Kurama asked worriedly. Hiei seemed genuinely scared. He was like a child, asking a parent to stay with him and keep him safe in the dark. Kurama had never thought Hiei would act this way, and seeing it now made his heart ache.

"You know where," Hiei half-growled, casting his eyes down and away from Kurama.

"No, I don't. Tell me where, Hiei," Kurama replied, using the hand Hiei had placed against his cheek to turn the fire demon's head towards him.

"To that place, that place you think is a nightmare but it's too damned real to be a nightmare! That place where…that place where I killed you." Hiei's voice dropped to an almost inaudible whisper as he continued, pressing Kurama's hand harder against his face. "Where I…where I was selfish and stupid and now you're gone and all I have left is…is that stupid gem, that crystal heart I wanted so badly."

Hiei's eyes gazed up at him, sorrowful and pleading. Kurama felt his own eyes sting as he stared down at the shattered remnants of his lover. Hiei never acted like this. He was strong and icy; nothing could touch him; nothing could hurt him. And yet here he was, scared and broken, afraid even to sleep.

"Hiei…" Kurama whispered, his eyes glistening with unshed tears for his love's torment. Gently, he threaded his arms behind the fire demon's back and pulled him up to rest against his chest, the soft spikes of fur like hair tickling the fox's chin. "I want to help you, Hiei, and I will. I'll find a way to keep you here with me, I promise you that." Kurama trailed off, rubbing his nose in Hiei's hair. Hiei stiffened as he felt two drops of water drip into his hair and soak into his scalp. The fox was crying for him…that wasn't what he wanted. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt the fox with his own troubles, and now he'd done it. This was why he was the Forbidden Child. It wasn't because he was incapable of love. It was because he always turned it into something ugly, something painful.

"Kurama, stop," he muttered quietly, his limp, weak arms coming up to encircle the fox's body. "Don't waste your tears on me."

"Waste them!" Kurama cried, pulling back and breaking the half-Koorime's weak hug. Hooking a finger under Hiei's lowed chin, he tried to force the other to look at him, but Hiei kept his eyes cast to the side and down. Kurama half growled in frustration. "Nothing I do is wasted on you, Hiei," he said firmly, still trying in vain to catch the shorter demon's gaze.

"Your pain for me is nothing but a wasted, pointless emotion," Hiei retorted, still staring at the floor.

"You are in pain," Kurama replied a little sharper than he meant to. "Is it so hard to believe that seeing you in such a state hurts me as well?"

"But you don't even understand the origin of that pain, fox! How can you be sympathetic of my pain when you don't even know why I feel it!" Hiei shot back, finally looking up to glare into those emerald pools. Kurama glared back for a moment before closing his eyes and sighing tiredly.

"Because that's what love is, Hiei," Kurama answered as he reopened his eyes, searching the narrowed crimson orbs before him for any signs of understanding. "When you hurt, I hurt. When you're sad, I'm sad. When you're happy, I'm happy. It doesn't matter why you feel these things, it's the fact you're the one feeling them that makes me return them."

Hiei's glare softened. He dropped his eyes and finally ducked his head beneath Kurama's chin as he hugged the redhead once again. Kurama was surprised by how little strength was behind the hug. It seemed an effort to Hiei just to keep his arms up around the fox's body. His friend was much weaker than he had originally thought.

"Hiei, please," Kurama whispered into the raven spikes, "try to sleep. I know you don't want to, but try to get some rest. Please."

Hiei didn't want to leave this place, he didn't want to go back to that other reality, but his body felt so heavy. It was taking all his strength just to hold the fox as he was now. His eyelids drooped and he nodded wearily against Kurama's shirt.

"Only for you, fox," he whispered as his eyes drifted fully shut, sleep claiming his exhausted body almost immediately.

**(xxx)**

**H**iei stirred and wrinkled his nose at the smell of burning meat. Slowly he opened his eyes and had to blink a few times before he registered where he was. He was back, damn it all, back in the damned cottage in the damned world where he had damned himself to an eternity of misery.

"So you're up. For a while there I wondered if you would make it through the night," a voice made Hiei turn towards the table, his aching ribs protesting at the motion. There sat a tall, exotically dressed man with long blue hair and shimmering golden eyes. The playful smile and light tone of voice coupled with the blue hair reminded Hiei vaguely of a certain rather annoying deity.

"Who are you?" Hiei asked, eyeing the demon suspiciously.

"Don't you think you should introduce yourself first, and maybe tell me how you got all beat up like that? It is my house after all," the demon replied, still smiling. Hiei fingered the crystal heart beneath the covers and considered what the demon had said. Finally he sighed gave the demon a rather sadistic smirk.

"Alright," he agreed, "but I warn you, my story isn't a pleasant one. I myself can hardly stand to think about it."


	7. Doubts

Okay, I'm leaving on a two and a half week trip to visit my relatives on the 23rd, so I'll try to get at least one more chappy out after this one for Crystal Heart. Just thought I'd let you know. :) ON WITH THE FIC!

**(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)**

**K**uwabara sat on his friend's bed as he watched the former spirit detective stuff his backpack with basic camping supplies.

"I still think this is wrong," he grumbled. It didn't matter what suspicions Koenma had, Hiei had always been a loyal member of their team and it felt like a debauched and dishonorable act to hunt him down on a hunch. Yusuke sighed as he zipped up his backpack, turning to face Kuwabara. The usually energetic youth looked tired and worn as he met his friend's gaze.

"Kuwabara…there's something else...something Koenma didn't tell you…" Yusuke sighed and sat down on his bed next to the copper haired teen, running his fingers through his slicked back hair.

"What? What didn't he tell me?" Kuwabara asked eagerly. Maybe it wasn't just a hunch. Maybe Hiei really had done something horrible after all. Maybe…but Kuwabara doubted it.

"It…it's about Kurama," Yusuke whispered, hanging his head in his hands. Kuwabara's eyes widened. Koenma had told them that Kurama had been killed by a demon attacking him at home, but Kuwabara had never really believed that story. Kurama was too strong and far too cunning to have let himself be killed like that. Besides, there were no signs of a fight in the fox's room, just a body…with its heart viciously ripped out and missing. Kuwabara shuttered as he remembered the sight of his friend's body.

"Koenma…Koenma thinks that…" Yusuke heaved a heavy sigh and forced himself to continue. He hated saying this, he didn't believe this, but…Koenma was right, what other explanation was there? "He thinks that…that _Hiei _had something to do with it."

"HE THINKS SHORTY KILLED KURAMA!" Kuwabara jumped up, staring at Yusuke in utter shock and disbelief. That wasn't true, it couldn't be true. It just couldn't! Hiei wouldn't do that. He was closer to Kurama then anyone else, why the hell would he kill him?

"Hiei used his Jagan to block Koenma's surveillance that night," Yusuke explained calmly, running his fingers through his hair once more.

"So…so there isn't any proof that Hiei did it then!" Kuwabara exclaimed hopefully, but Yusuke only shook his head.

"Yeah, but there isn't any proof that he's innocent either. Koenma showed me the tape Kuwabara."

"When!" Kuwabara cut his friend off. He hated being left out of the loop. First no one told him about Genkai's death, and then he was left home during the whole Makai fiasco, and now Kurama had been murdered and everyone believed that Hiei did it but of course no one thought to inform Kuwabara about it.

"After the funeral," Yusuke answered, dropping his gaze to the floor. "I didn't tell anyone because I didn't believe it. But…damn it, Kuwabara, it _is_ suspicious. I mean, Hiei went to Kurama's and then the tape goes all fuzzy, guess Hiei scrambled it or something, and next thing you see is him leaving and Kurama dead just the way we found him. Maybe…maybe Koenma is right."

"No…no Urameshi, don't say that," Kuwabara's voice had dropped to a weak sound that was only just above a whisper.

"Why not? You said it yourself, Hiei's lost it. Psychos kill people all the time. Maybe that's when he went nuts. Maybe he really did kill Kurama. We don't know!" Yusuke cried, standing up and throwing his hands in the air. There was silence for a minute and then Kuwabara placed a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Then let's go find out."

**(xxx)**

**H**iei sat on the bed, gingerly pulling his now dry garments on. The blue haired demon, Tejinashi, had healed most of his wounds and all of his broken bones, but he was still sore and stiff. After telling Tejinashi his story, the demon had offered him food and first aid and shortly after left to get something he said would help. Hiei had no idea what he was talking about, but was glad for the moment of peace to reflect on things.

Just as he was pulling on one of his boots a sneeze he had been holding back finally broke through and he tumbled backwards, dropping the boot to the floor. He cursed and ran a sleeve under his nose. Tejinashi had also given him a strange purplish liquid to drink that he said would help with the cold. To be honest, Hiei did feel stronger and definitely _warmer_, but he was still plagued by sneezes, which didn't help the headache that had yet to subside either.

As the final buckle on the side of his boot clicked into place and he stood, now fully clothed, he turned to the right to see the crystal heart where he had left it on the table when he retrieved his clothes. He picked it up and watched the flickering firelight dance off its many surfaces.

"Kurama…" he whispered tenderly. He would have said more but at that moment the door burst opened and Tejinashi returned carrying a large, leather-bound book in his arms.

"Ah, here we are!" he announced excitedly as he laid the book down on the table, pretending that he didn't notice Hiei's swift movement to pocket the crystal heart.

"Now…let's see…" Tejinashi began thumbing through the pages, Hiei watching curiously over his shoulder. The book seemed to be what most humans would probably call a 'spell book.' In it were all kinds of potion recipes, incantations, curses, and spells for all manner of different things. Tejinashi flipped to the second to last page before he finally found what he was looking for.

"Aha! The Crystal Heart!" He said triumphantly, grinning at Hiei who only stared emotionlessly at the page.

"Hmm…" Tejinashi murmured, skimming over the page. "You already know the basics…" He flipped the page and cried aloud again as he found what he was looking for. Hiei followed his finger half way down the page to a line in bold that read "**Revival Spell**." His heart leapt into his throat. Was this it? Was this the way to bring Kurama back? Was this what he had been searching for at long last?

"To revive he who has given his heart," Tejinashi read aloud, "bring heart and body together and recite…" he trailed off, skimming the rest of the page. "Alright, so basically we just need to get your heart and the body in the same place and then just do a little power exchange, nothing too difficult."

"Power exchange?" Hiei asked suspiciously, subconsciously fingering the heart in his pocket.

"Yes, nothing comes without a price I'm afraid. I'll have to give a great deal of my energy to invoke the power of the chant, but you will have to give as well, and a great deal more I'm afraid."

"How much must I give?" Hiei didn't really care about the answer, he would give his life if it was necessary, but he thought it would be expected of him to ask.

"Actually, it says here that the spell will have to strip you of your powers in order to merge the heart with the body as a soul once more," Tejinashi explained, watching for Hiei's reaction. Hiei merely nodded. He had build himself up from scratch after the Jagan implantation had done the exact same thing to him, and he was more then willing to do it again for Kurama's sake. He winced slightly inwardly as he remembered just how much the stripping of one's powers hurt, but if that was the price he was more then glad to pay it.

"I advise you to think about this, my friend. You should not make any rash decisions," Tejinashi said quietly as he closed the book. "There is always the chance that a spell may go awry, and when stripping powers is involved…well…things can get quite nasty."

"I know the risks, and I don't care!" Hiei growled, glaring at the demon that seemed to be trying to talk him out of bringing his fox back. Tejinashi sighed and stood up.

"I just don't want to see you go through all this trouble for naught," he said as he pushed his seat in. "After all, what good would it do to bring your lost friend back only to put him in the very position you are in now, alone in the world without the one he cares most about." The tall demon paused, studying Hiei for a moment, before turning and striding to the door. "I'm going to go and gather the supplies we need to attempt this little resurrection of yours. I'll be gone a few hours. Please, take the time to _thoroughly_ think this over."

Hiei glared at the door as it shut behind the blue haired demon. He wanted Kurama back and he would do whatever it took, take whatever risks he had to, in order to do so. But, as his anger cooled and his rationality returned, he began to wonder about Tejinashi's words.

'_If I were to die bringing Kurama back, what good would it do? He would be alive again yes, but I would not be able to enjoy it and surely neither would he if I lost my life so he could have his. Stupid fox…he would probably just blame himself. But then…what should I do? What if things do turn out that way and all I succeed in doing is hurting him again? Hn, Forbidden Child indeed. First I kill him and then I bring him back to a life of misery and pain…my life.' _

Hiei sighed as he trudged to the bed and sat on the springy mattress, withdrawing the crystal heart from his pocket. Just as before, the light of the fire dancing as it was reflected by the gem was almost mesmerizing and he found himself staring deep into the heart of the crystal. He blinked…and suddenly found himself lying in a dark room, staring at the ceiling.

What the…Genkai's! But how! He hadn't been asleep. He had merely blinked. Was this proof that this realty wasn't a dream…or was he just going crazy in his waking mind now too? Damn it! Why did this keep happening! Switching while he was sleeping was one thing…but what if he started jumping between realities at any time, sleeping or awake? He wasn't sure he could handle that and keep what was left of his sanity intact…if there was anything left at this point.

He blinked again experimentally. Nope, still Genkai's. Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to remain calm. He had learned to be weary of the fox's presence in this reality, for being with his dead love always served to fill him with even more self-loathing when he returned to that other, darker reality. But now he found himself aching for the redhead to be with him, to comfort him. He had never allowed himself to feel such weakness, such need for another person, and he would certainly never admit to anyone that he felt it now, but at the same time he longed to give in to the feeling and let Kurama assuage all his fears and doubts, if only for a little while. As if on cue, the door to his room slid opened and the fox in question entered with a tray of food, obviously intended for the ailing demon watching him.

"Hiei," Kurama smiled down at him as he sat by the half-Koorime's side, laying the tray down beside him. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Hiei replied shortly, never taking his eyes off the redhead before him. He was torn once more, as he always seemed to be lately. He wanted so badly to hold the fox, to kiss him, to let the world slip away and be lost in those endless emerald pools, but he held himself back with the knowledge that it would do more harm then good when he switched realities once more, which apparently could happen at anytime now.

"Are you hungry?" Kurama asked, gesturing to the tray, "Yukina made this for you." Hiei shook his head. He hated to turn down an act of kindness from his sister, especially since he knew she would worry about him when news reached her that he hadn't eaten her food, but he was far too concerned with other things to eat at the moment.

"You should eat, Hiei," Kurama half scolded him. "You'll never gain your strength back if you don't eat properly." Hiei's eyes narrowed in annoyance and he looked away. He hated it when Kurama did that, when he talked to him like he was some damn little kid.

"I'm _not_ hungry," Hiei growled, his tone daring the fox to bring it up again. Kurama sighed in defeat. Sometimes Hiei was just too stubborn for his own good.

"Alright, Hiei, I won't force you." Hiei closed his eyes and clenched his fists under the blankets. Damn it, why did he keep doing that! All he did was hurt his fox, over and over again. He almost smirked at the irony of it. That was the one consistency between the two realities. In both of them he only brought his fox worry and pain. Maybe he really shouldn't try to bring Kurama back. If Hiei was only capable of hurting him then what was the point?

Kurama, startled by Hiei's reaction and the pained expression on his face, instantly grew worried. "Hiei? Are you alright? Are you in pain?" Hiei grit his teeth harder together, tightening his fists until he was sure he had drawn blood. DAMN IT! Why did he do this constantly! The Koorime were right to throw him from their home! He was a disease; an unspeakable cancer that ate away at all that was bright and happy and replaced it with darkness and sorrow.

"Hiei? Hiei!" The fox was shaking him now, the concern in his voice unmistakable and sickening.

'_Stop fox, please stop!'_ Hiei thought desperately as the redhead continued to shake him and call out his name. _'Stop, don't worry about me. I'm not worth worrying about. Please just stop!' _

"STOP IT!" The scream escaped the small demon's mouth startling even him and causing his worried lover to jump back in surprise. "Stop it, Kurama…" Hiei whispered. He was sitting up now, edging away from the fox who was gaping at him, tears streaming down his pale cheeks and falling to the floor in perfectly round, jet black teargems.

"Hiei…what…?" Hiei winced again as Kurama said his name and the fox made to reach out to the little demon, but he half jumped half crawled backwards out of reach.

"Stop…don't do this anymore! Please…" The look in Hiei eyes, it was the look of a frightened animal, a look Kurama had never imagined to see in the cold rubies of the ever proud Hiei. And yet, it was there, plain as day.

"Do what, Hiei?" Kurama ventured to ask, silently weaving a kekkai around the room, trapping them inside should his lover chose to run. He didn't know what had gotten into Hiei, but that look in his eyes was proof that he would be a danger to himself and everyone around him if he chose to disappear now, as he so often did whenever a situation became too much for him.

"Hurt yourself over me!" Hiei cried, inching ever backwards towards the door. He had to get out of here. He had to get away from the fox. This was too much. He was worried about hurting Kurama by bringing him back but even in this reality, where he was alive and well, all Hiei did was wound him and poor salt into those wounds until they festered. "If you want something, then _take_ it," Hiei attempted to explain, not at all sure if the explanation was making any real sense. "You always try to…to…_please_ me to get what you want and it always ends the same way: you get hurt and you don't get whatever it is you wanted in the first place anyway. So just stop!"

Kurama stared at him, stunned. It wasn't exactly the ravings of a lunatic, in fact he could think of quite a few cases off the top of his head where what Hiei had just said proved true. But it wasn't that Kurama thought Hiei was dominant over him or anything, he had just always harbored the secret fear that pushing the half-Koorime too hard would drive him away and so usually he let Hiei get his way. He had never imagined it would hurt the fire demon so much.

"Hiei…I had no idea you felt that way," Kurama whispered, his voice catching in his throat as his eyes began to glisten. Hiei cursed himself and looked away. He'd done it again! He had to leave, _now_, before he dealt the fox any further blows. Concentrating, he managed to sum up enough energy to at least get away from Genkai's. It wouldn't be quite his full speed, but it would be enough to outrun anyone who tried to follow him. Turning towards the door, he raised himself to all fours, almost in a sprinter's ready stance, and in a flash was gone.

"Hiei! Wait!" The words hadn't even left Kurama's mouth before Hiei re-materialized by the door, reeling backwards from the force with which he had hit the kekkai that he had been too disoriented or else distraught to notice. He hit the floor hard and then lay there motionless.

Scrambling to his feet, Kurama raced forward to his fallen love's side. Skidding to a halt, he dropped to his knees, staring in horror at the prone body laid out on the floor before him.

"Hiei? Hiei! Answer me! Hiei!" The tears that had gathered in his eyes before now began to snake down his cheeks as he gently lifted the small demon's head to rest in his lap. "Hiei, please! Wake up!" He began to gently stoke the starburst in the demon's raven black hair, trying to coax him back to consciousness. "Hiei…"

This time he was answered with a pained groan and he almost hugged the fire demon in relief, but held back for fear of causing him more pain. Slowly, unfocused crimson orbs were revealed as Hiei squinted upwards, only to be lost once more as Hiei closed his eyes again reflexively as something dripped onto his forehead.

"G-gomen," Kurama apologized, nearly choking on the word, as he wiped the fallen tear from Hiei's skin. He didn't know why he was still crying, Hiei was alright, but for some reason he couldn't stop.

Hiei's eyes opened again in surprise at the sound of the fox's voice. Looking up, his heart bled as he saw the condition he had reduced Kurama too. His beautiful emerald eyes had been stained red around the edges and two streams of tears flowed continuously down his flawless face. Hiei looked away in disgust, not at Kurama, but at himself for being the cause of his fox's torment.

Kurama wasn't really sure what to do at this point, a turn of events that he wasn't often faced with. He hadn't cried since he was a child, and even then he had always only done so because he felt it was what a normal human child would have done. An act…every time he had cried in the past, at least during his life as Minamino Shuichi, it had always been an act; a mere ploy at a humanity that he didn't possess. Wait…no…that wasn't entirely true…there had been one time, when his mother had been saved by the Mirror of Darkness. Then he had cried, cried out of relief and happiness that he hadn't lost her. Why? Because he loved her. This was the just he same, it felt the same. When Hiei had hit the kekkai, Kurama had felt his heart stop at the thought the reckless little demon might have severely injured himself. But it was okay now, he was alright, and that fact alone was enough to make the proud Youko Kurama shed tears. He truly did love the strange, unpredictable half-Koorime, didn't he?

Hiei continued to stare in the opposite direction as more tears fell, the salty rain soaking into his clothes and skin. He felt his chest tighten uncomfortably. His fox was hurting, and he had never, **_never_** cried before, which could only mean that the pain must be near unbearable. After all, the only thing that would make Hiei cry was his fox's death and the confusing events surrounding it, and he and Kurama were really not all that different in that aspect. Kurama may have grown…_softer_ from his time in the Ningenkai, but that didn't mean he had been reduced to something so weak as to cry at every minor heartache as Hiei had been revolted to see in some humans, particularly females. No, Kurama was stronger then that, he could take even the deepest emotional cuts without damaging his mask, deeper cuts even then Hiei could bare. So then why…why was he crying?

"What are you doing, fox?" Hiei asked, more whispered really, still staring at the floor.

"W-what?" the reply was a startled one, still choked with emotion; emotion that didn't quite sound like pain now that Hiei heard it voiced. That only made his curiosity as to the fox's strange antics burn even fiercer.

"Why—why are you crying?" Hiei had meant for it to be a rough growl, but as he turned to face the fox he was stunned to silence for a moment and forced to finish his question in a much softer voice, one that was reserved for Kurama and Yukina only. The fox was…_smiling. _Tears still dripped down his face and nearly the entire whites of his eyes had been tinted red and yet he was smiling warmly down at the smaller demon resting in his lap, his emerald eyes shining with more then just water.

"Be-because…you're alright," Kurama was half laughing through his tears now, making speech almost impossible. Hiei quirked an eyebrow in confusion but didn't say anything, pondering what the fox meant. He was crying because he was…_happy_? Apparently Kurama had managed to regain enough composure to talk while Hiei was thinking because Hiei was suddenly aware of his soft voice again.

"I…I was worried that…that you might try to…to run," Kurama managed, stray hic-ups beginning to impair his speech even further than the laughing had. "And…and so I…I made a ke-kekkai. But…but you didn't sense it…and when you hit it…" Kurama trailed off, the light momentarily leaving his eyes as he recalled the fear he had felt in that moment when Hiei had hit the floor and gone still.

As the memories kept flowing, Kurama seemed to loose himself in them and the smile faded from his face and was replaced with what Hiei had expected to see there from the start: pain. Hiei tried to twist away, he didn't want to see that pain, but his movements brought Kurama back to reality and he tightened his hold, hindering the smaller's movements.

"Hiei, stop," Hiei stopped struggling and turned back to face the fox. Kurama had fixed him with a semi-stern half glare that belied the gentle, almost loving look he had harbored but moments before. "Hiei…" Kurama sighed as he dropped the glare and let his features take on a look of weary contentment, a slight smile tugging at his lips even as he tried to remain dispassionate. "Hiei," he began again, absently running his fingers through soft raven spikes, "you can't punish yourself for my pain like this."

"But—" Hiei tired to cut in, to argue, but Kurama's hand momentarily left his hair and very gently covered his mouth.

"Let me finish," Kurama smiled reassuringly down at the fire demon and said demon obediently closed his mouth, waiting for his fox to continue. "I'm not like you," Kurama sighed, returning his hand to its previous occupation of stroking Hiei's surprisingly soft hair. "I can't lock all my emotions away, at least not as well as you may believe I can. Sure, in the company of certain people I make certain to keep the barriers up, to make them believe I'm not sad or depressed or whatever the case may be. But when I'm alone, or with you, the barriers fall, they have to. I just can't keep them up _all_ the time. Hiei, kitsune's are sentimental creatures by nature, and my time here in the Ningenkai has only amplified those characteristics. If I'm happy I show it, and if I'm in pain I show it. What I mean is you have to learn to take all of my emotions in stride, the good and the bad, and not beat yourself up over them so much. Do you understand?"

Hiei stared up at the smiling face above him and suddenly felt guilty. Kurama was so opened around him, he had just admitted that Hiei was the _only_ one he could be fully opened with, and yet Hiei kept everything hidden inside until it burst forth in a violent display of questionable sanity as it had over the past few days. What was worse, Kurama felt free to show any and all of his feelings in front of him and then he turned around and threw them back in the fox's face…the same way Mukuro had done to him…the same way _everyone_ had done to him. He couldn't blame Kurama for _feeling_.

"I understand," Hiei replied simply, reaching up a hand to gently wipe away the salty droplets that still clung to his love's cheeks. Kurama smiled wider, closing his puffy eyes in pure happiness and leaning into the fire demon's touch. "But…" Hiei began, trying to voice a thought that he couldn't quiet grasp, dangling just out of discernment's reach.

"But?" Kurama prompted, opening his eyes once more as Hiei's hand left his face to drop to its owner's chest.

"But…you have to do the same for me," Hiei finally managed to get his tongue around the right words. "You can't worry and fuss over every little thing that bothers me. You said it yourself…when you love someone, you share their emotions, regardless of why they feel them. If you're upset, then I am too and if you're angry, then so am I. And…and when I hurt you…however miniscule or unintentional the wound—" Hiei was cut off as Kurama's hand covered his mouth once more, effectively silencing him.

"Hiei, the very bases of human…er…demon interaction is based on pain. When you open yourself to someone you always run the risk of hurting them, or of them hurting you. You can't avoid it, it always happens in some way. But the strongest bonds can work through the pain and thus become even stronger. I have no qualms about strengthening our bond, Hiei, whether that means walking through the brightest of joys or the darkest of pains, as long as I remain by your side I don't care. I love you."

Hiei stared, utterly speechless, and suddenly, he knew he had to take the risk to try to bring Kurama back in that other reality. As Tejinashi had pointed out, there was the definite chance that Hiei could die in the process and just as he had thought before he was still sure that such an event would leave Kurama utterly broken, but he had to try. He owed Kurama so much, and besides, Hiei had no doubts in his head that if their positions were switched and it was Kurama's choice to make, the crafty fox would take the risks involved in a heartbeat.

Hiei smiled, a true and genuine smile, and closed his eyes in absolute contentment. "I love you too, Kurama." He opened his eyes again, about to sit up and show the fox just how much he did indeed love him, when the sight that met his ruby orbs made him blink wide and sink back into the mattress below him in surprise. He was no longer in Genkai's temple but in the Makai, in Tejinashi's one room cottage.

Cursing, he sat up and rubbed his temples. His headache had returned full force. He nearly cringed as the door was flung opened and Tejinashi announced his return. Why did he have to be so damn loud?

"So," the blue haired demon fixed his sparkling, impishly mischievous gaze on Hiei, "have you decided?"

"Yes," Hiei answered as he stood up, placing the precious gem in his hand back into his pocket. "I'll do it."

**(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)**

Yay! A long one. Oh, now it gets interesting. Poor Hiei doesn't have to be asleep to go insane anymore. ;) Anyway, please let me know what you think. And plushies to whoever can guess what Tejinashi means. Ja for now.


	8. Understanding

Alright, a few things before we get down to the story here. First of all, I want to apologize for not updating any of my other stories, especially my new one 'Kanzen na Maru.' Events over the last week have left me with just about no time to type and now that I do finally have time this is the only story I really feel like writing. Now, I could _force_ myself to crank out a chapter for one of my other fics, but I find that when I try to do that the chapters are usually no good so I guess we'll just all have to wait until I'm in the right 'mood.'

Secondly, since there is only a few chapter left to this, (yup, that's right, almost done!) my thoughts have been preoccupied recently with thoughts of possible plotlines for another yaoi fic (shonen ai really but yaoi is easier to type). I was thinking about writing on of those mpreg ones. I don't know, what do you guys think? One thing I will say is that no matter what I do, there won't be any lemons in the story. It's not that I don't like lemons or anything (as sad as that is) it's just that I'm terrified of what would happen if my family found it. Just writing shonen ai itself is pushing it, but going further would not be a good thing. So…yeah, there's that.

Last but not least, plushies go out to Celestial Paladin and Ania the Dragonwolf. Tejinashi means magician, or more specifically illusionist or conjuror. I think that's all for now. ON WITH THE FIC!

**(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)(xxx)**

**H**iei growled impatiently, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorframe as Tejinashi finished closing a pack that contained a few provisions and the spell book.

"Ready yet?" The impatient fire demon closed his eyes in annoyance. Every moment wasted was one moment farther from reviving his lost fox.

"Calm down, Hiei," a soft alto cooed soothingly in his ear. "Have patience." Hiei's eyes shot opened and he nearly fell from the violence with which he shot forward and away from the wall. That was Kurama's voice, he was sure of it. He had felt the feathery breath on his ear, smelt the faint aroma of roses that clung permanently to his love's being. And yet, here he was, still in Tejinashi's one room cottage.

The blue haired demon looked up as Hiei stumbled into the middle of the room as if the wall had shocked him. Straitening, Tejinashi scrutinized the dazed half-Koorime as he brought his bandaged hand up to message his temples and shook his head faintly.

"Hiei?" he asked, shouldering his bag and taking a step forward, prepaired to brace the demon should he have another…for lack of a better word…attack.

"I'm fine!" Hiei growled, seeing Tejinashi advancing towards him. He felt nauseous and his headache was back once again, but he refused to let this semi-stranger know the full truth about his current…condition. In any case it would have been rather difficult to explain, especially considering that he didn't fully understand what was happening himself.

"Let's just go!" Hiei spun on his heel for the door; his head continuing around long after his body had stopped. He forced back a groan and determinedly headed for the door.

"Right!' Tejinashi cried whether to lighten the mood or to humor his own absurd personality quirks Hiei didn't know. "Let's get us that body!"

**(xxx)**

**Y**usuke and Kuwabara watched in mild boredom as three of the SDF forged a portal between the Ningenkai and the Makai. They had seen this so many times in the past it had really lost all impressiveness and just seemed overly flashy at this point. In a moment the portal was complete and the SDF members stepped aside to allow Yusuke and Kuwabara to pass through. Yusuke took a step forward but Kuwabara suddenly grabbed his arm, effectively stopping him.

"What gives, Kuwabara?" the ex-spirit detective asked in mild surprise.

"Hiei…" Kuwabara whispered, eyes wide and a look of disbelieve plastered on his pale face.

"What?" Yusuke asked, turning to stare at his friend.

"I can sense him…he's here." Kuwabara looked up to meet Yusuke's eyes. "Hiei's here in the Ningenkai!"

**(xxx)**

**H**iei had to admit he was impressed by Tejinashi's abilities. He had single-handedly opened a portal between the words much more efficiently then a group of those irksome SDF members were capable of achieving. Now he found himself standing at the gates to a large plot of under cared for, overgrown land that was scattered with a variety or rectangles and statues made from a range of materials from cement to marble. Hiei knew this place. He had been there once before. The cemetery.

_xxx_

_Lightening flashed over the twilight lit world, giving clear warning to the rain that had been threatening to fall throughout the day. A lone figure stood silhouetted against the darkening sky on a slight hill in the seemingly disused field that, at first glance, looked merely choked with weeds and riddled with stray rocks. _

_One rock, however, stood out. It crowned a slight hill and was made of polished black marble. The usual weeds were no where to be found around _this_ black rock. No, the area around this rock had been cleared of overgrowth and fine light green grass grew all over the top of the hill, supporting a small formation of beautiful and sweet smelling flowers. On the polished surface of the rock were the words:_

_**Minamino Suehiro**_

_**Devoted Husband**_

_**Loving Father**_

_It was by this headstone that the silhouetted figure stood, head bowed, in silence. Another flash of lightening revealed a new, smaller form behind the first, watching with curious and faintly disappointed blood red eyes. _

"_Kurama." The voice that broke the silence was dark and deep, deeper even then the rolling thunder that threatened to drowned out his word. _

"_Hiei," the other acknowledged calmly, raising his head but keeping his eyes fixed on the stone before him. _

"_What are you doing here, fox? It's going to rain." The words were spoken without the slightest bit of curiosity or emotion. _

"_I was just…visiting," Kurama answered, crouching down to stroke the stem of a bright red rose, coaxing it to lean against the tombstone, almost caressing the smooth marble with its soft pedals. _

"_Hn," Hiei replied, striding forward until he drew level with his companion. His eyes skimmed the words carved in the onyx marble and he turned a questioning eye on the fox kneeling beside him. "Minamino…your human father?" _

_Kurama nodded, raising himself to a stand once more. He flinched slightly as Hiei snorted beside him. _

"_Don't waste sentimentality on corpses who don't feel it either way. The dead gain nothing from this weak show of emotional instability," Hiei lectured, folding his arms and glaring slightly at the tombstone. The fox clenched his fists next to him and Hiei raised his eyes in surprise. Despite his movements, however, when Kurama spoke his voice was as calm as always. _

"_Even so, it makes _me_ feel better, Hiei." Again a snort rewarded the statement. _

"_That's absurd," Hiei huffed, closing his eyes against another bolt of lightening. "Has this weak world really diluted you so much as to make you believe that whether you come here and tend this…this…rock or leave it neglected like all the others really matters? There's nothing you can do to bring him back, and therefore all this pointless mourning, especially after so many years, is just wasted time. Even more so considering he was human." _

_The thunder stuck and before it had even faded from his ears Hiei found the front of his cloak caught in an iron grasp and felt himself raised off his feet. His crimson eyes snapped opened in surprise only to meet stunning emerald irises that had darkened in anger until they were almost black. _

"_That's enough, Hiei!" Kurama growled in a voice so menacing and threatening that it was usually reserved for hated enemies only. Any retorts Hiei may have had were swallowed in fear, yes fear. Kurama had never looked at him like that before and Hiei, having witness what his friend was capable of when angered, was genuinely afraid of what the enraged fox might do. _

"_Some of us actually_ do_ care about people other then ourselves, you know!" Ouch, that hurt. Even Hiei, the great master at suppressing any and all signs of emotion, couldn't stop a wince from making him cringe at those words. The wince, however, seemed to bring Kurama back to himself because his face slowly lost its dark anger and Hiei's feet made contact with the ground once more shortly followed by the hand relinquishing its grip on his cloak. _

"_Hiei…" Kurama's voice was shaky and when Hiei looked up he saw that the emerald orbs were wide with conflicting and indiscernible emotions. "G-gomen, Hiei," he said weakly after a moment, turning slowly back to face the black marble tombstone. "I…I just…" he sighed tiredly, passing a hand over his eyes. "You just don't understand, Hiei. It hurts…and it doesn't matter how much time passes…it still hurts…it will always hurt." _

_xxx_

"I understand now, Kurama," Hiei whispered softly, delving a hand into his pocket to touch the crystal heart. "I understand."

"Hmmm? You say something?" Tejinashi asked lightly from his side.

"No," Hiei answered simply. "Come on," he threw over his shoulder as he started walking towards a small hill in the distance where the silhouette of two headstones stood out against the starry sky.

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Gomen it was so short, just kind of a filler chapter really. The climax is just around the corner, where all will finally be revealed! 'Till then, hope you enjoyed this and please review!


	9. Resurrection

Alright, I'm back in town and now it's time to wind this thing up. Yup that's right; this is the climatic ending you've all been waiting for. There will be an epilogue after this as well. But this is it kiddies, where all will be reveled and explained and probably just confuse you even more. Anyway, don't sue me if it's not a happy ending, I don't remember ever promising there would be one. In answer to one reviewer's question, Yusuke and Kuwabara are after Hiei in the 'nightmare' reality where he is trying to resurrect Kurama, understand now? Thanks to all my reviews and even those of you who read without reviewing. I'm glad you all have liked my story so much and I hope you like the ending as well. One final note before we begin the end here, if you like stories of Hiei going nuts you should check out Hikari Nanase's '_Broken'_. It's an excellent story. I really enjoyed it. And now, the moment you have all been waiting for…ON WITH THE FIC!

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**H**iei's determined strides slowed to a halt as he reached the top of the hill. Two tombstones sat silently side by side, one of the deepest black marble, the other of the purist white. Garnet orbs scanned the words on the black marker first, familiar words he had seen once before.

**Minamino Suehiro**

**Devoted Husband**

**Loving Father**

It took a moment before he could force himself to turn his gaze on the white stone, and even once he had he stared at it without really seeing the words for several moments. Finally, with a deep breath and clenched fists, he forced himself to discern the marker's message.

**Minamino Shuichi**

**Loyal Friend**

**Loving Son**

**He will be dearly missed**

"You have no idea," Hiei whispered bitterly upon seeing the last line. His fists clenched tighter still and his vision blurred. _'I should have come,'_ he thought suddenly, _'I should have been here for the wake…for the burial…I should have come.'_ He felt suddenly almost sickeningly remorseful for having hidden himself away in the Makai at the time. He hated that feeling. Only two people in the world could make him feel that; make him feel…_sorry_. Yukina and…

"Kurama," the word escaped him before he could stop it. Sorry wasn't the only thing either. Kurama made him feel such strange things. Warm, safe, loved and yet somehow cold, unwanted, and alone at times as well. Such a range of emotions, some he were familiar with and others that were completely alien to him. Most of all the fox made him feel as though his life had…meaning. After all, he had almost not come here, not tried to resurrect the redhead because of the consequences involved if he died in the process. He had **never** second guessed himself like that before. That was the power Kurama had. But the cold truth was, if Kurama was his meaning…what purpose did he have if the fox was gone? Yukina was safe, Mukuro didn't need him anymore. At least Kurama had his human family to live for if Hiei was gone.

"You ready?" Tejinashi's voice cut into his thoughts. Startled, Hiei nodded, looking at the demon uncertainly. The blue haired demon had never fully explained what he was going to do and Hiei was curious to find out.

"Stand back," Tejinashi advised. Hiei took a few steps back, never taking his eyes from his tall companion. Tejinashi laid his bag on the ground and raised both arms, murmuring something Hiei could neither hear nor understand. The ground began to shake, and Hiei himself was almost thrown off his feet. The earth cracked, a dark gaping fissure spreading over Kurama's grave, knocking the white marker onto its back. Light filled the crack, as if the very center of the Earth was glowing from its depths. A rumbling filled the air, louder and more terrible then any thunder. Tejinashi raised his chant to a shout and managed to raise his arms even higher. A vicious wind began to circle them, tearing at their clothes and threatening to pull both of them from the ground and up into the night sky.

"Tejinashi!" Hiei shouted above the chaos, beginning to seriously doubt that whatever the demonic wizard was doing was going as planned. The other ignored him and continued with the spell. The wind picked up even more as the ground shook hard enough to shatter bone and the rumbling in the air rose in pitch and volume. Then, when Hiei was certain that the spell had gone horribly awry and they would both be killed, something began to rise from the fissure. He watched in motionless amazement as a casket rose from the broken grave, hovering above the ground for a few moments before gracefully landing next to the fallen tombstone. Immediately all noise stopped, the wind died, and with a sharp **_snap_** the fissure closed.

**(xxx)**

**Y**usuke and Kuwabara stared dumbfounded as the hill visible from the cemetery gates, which had previously been the focus of a mini tornado, a small earthquake, and a light show that put Disney to shame, suddenly became still and silent, as if nothing had happened.

"Whoa," Kuwabara finally breathed in amazement, still staring fixedly at the hill.

"What was that?" Yusuke asked, equally awed.

"I don't know, but whatever the shrimp is doing up there is seriously whacked," Kuwabara stated in an almost dazed voice.

"What do you mean?" Yusuke asked, turning to look at his friend.

"Don't you remember that hill, Urameshi?" Kuwabara asked, pointing. Yusuke turned and squinted at the hill, slightly harder to make out against the dark sky then it had been minutes earlier.

"Holy shit," Yusuke gasped when his brain finally made the connection. He straitened, staring in disbelief at the hilltop. "That's where Kurama's buried!"

**(xxx)**

**H**iei remained frozen where he stood as Tejinashi approached the coffin. He watched motionlessly as the demon unceremoniously flipped the lid and began to riffle through his bag for the things required for the resurrection. From where he stood, Hiei couldn't see into the casket, but he couldn't move.

The smell of blood filled his nose as he continued to stare at the coffin. He felt himself wet and sticky with the crimson substance. He felt the color drain from his face, felt his skin go cold and clammy. And then, unbidden, the words he had grown to hate so much filled his ears.

"_Your happiness is all I ever wanted."_

Trembling, he fell to his knees. _'How many times can I apologize?'_ he thought desperately. _'What do I have to do to be forgiven?'_

"You _are_ forgiven, Hiei," a soft alto assured him. "The problem is you have yet to forgive yourself." Hiei jumped. He was still in the cemetery, still with Tejinashi, and yet he had heard the fox's voice as clear as if he was sitting right next to him. In fact…Hiei blinked in confusion. He could feel the redhead's presence next to him, he could even imagine that a hand was stroking lightly through his hair. He almost didn't dare to believe…

"Kurama?" he whispered, trying not to alert Tejinashi's attention to this rather private moment.

"It's alright, I'm here," came the reply. Hiei felt a strange warmth next to him and squinted at it. It wasn't a ghost…but a ghost of a ghost, a faint outline that he might have imagined but hoped with all his heart he didn't.

"What…?" Hiei began, but Kurama's nearly invisible hand gently covered his mouth to silence him.

"I'll explain later, I don't know how much time I have," Kurama replied, removing his hand. "Hiei…" he trailed off, staring at Hiei with shimmering eyes as he tried to organize his thoughts. "Hiei…this is dangerous…" he managed finally, his form shifting in and out of focus. "If something happened to you…"

"I know the risks and I don't care. I have to take the chance," Hiei interrupted.

"No, you don't _have_ to," Kurama countered. "Hiei, you don't have to take responsibility for something that wasn't your fault."

"But it was my f—" Kurama's ever shifting and strangely tingling hand cut him off once more.

"Hiei, how many times do I have to say it?" Kurama's eyes took on a stern look as his voice changed to a lecture tone. "I did what I did of my own free will. The error was mine, and mine alone. If anything, _I_ should be begging _you_ for forgiveness." A look of pain suddenly crossed the fox's transparent features and he pulled the half-Koorime into a hug. It was a peculiar feeling to be hugged by something that wasn't solid. Hiei felt Kurama's arms around him, his head resting on the firm chest, the stray strands of soft crimson hair flowing over his shoulders, and yet he knew that if he leaned too far he would tumble right through the one holding him.

"Hiei," Kurama's choked voice dragged him from his thoughts. "I'm sorry for what I've put you through. I'm sorry for all the torment you've endured, for leaving you alone. If I'd have only stopped to think about the consequences of my actions…if I hadn't…But, I suppose love makes you do crazy things, ne?"

It took a long moment before Hiei trusted himself enough to reply without sobbing. "I won't be alone much longer," he said quietly, raising his arms in the best hug he could give to a creature who wasn't physically there.

"Hiei, I wish you would reconsider," Kurama sighed, pulling back enough to face the smaller demon, but Hiei stared back with an all too familiar air of stubbornness.

"You said yourself; love makes you do crazy things. Besides, you would do the same for me," Hiei answered simply. Kurama stared at him for a moment before suddenly smiling and shaking his head.

"You'll never change, will you?" he half chuckled, smiling warmly. Suddenly the smile faltered and Kurama adopted an apologetic look. "Time's up," he announced sadly. Hiei looked stricken, but Kurama smiled kindly at him. "If all goes well, we'll see each other again soon," he promised. The look faded from Hiei's features, replaced with determination.

"Yes, we will," he agreed curtly. Kurama smiled again before leaning down and taking the fire demon's chin in his hand. "Be careful," he whispered, gently locking lips with his dark love. The sensation was even stranger then being hugged. The kiss felt so warm and left the half-Koorime's lips tingling. Kurama's voice broke through his haze of momentary contentment and he opened his eyes to find Kurama's form slowly fading before his eyes.

"Hiei, if death becomes a definite outcome to this, then I beg you to stop," Kurama's voice drifted over him like a gentle breeze. "Don't make the same mistake I did." Hiei stared at the empty space where Kurama had been moments before. He hadn't been a ghost, that was for sure…but then what was that? He had never experienced anything like that before.

"All set over there?" Tejinashi's voice almost startled him; he had forgotten the blue haired demon's presence entirely.

"Yes. Yes, I'm ready," Hiei said, more to assure himself then the demonic magician watching him. Slowly he got up and walked to where Tejinashi stood by the coffin. Somehow it didn't bother him as much as it had minutes prior, but he still didn't look inside.

"What do I do?" he asked, looking at Tejinashi questioningly.

"It's simple really," Tejinashi explained. "The spell does most of the work. All you have to do is place you hands on his chest, on either side of the heart." Hiei stared for a moment, speechless. He had been hoping he wouldn't have to look at the body, much less touch it. Tejinashi noted his reaction. "Are you alright with that?"

"Hn!" Hiei retorted, "A stupid question." To prove his was completely unaltered by the sight of the fox's body he turned and stared right into the casket. Almost immediately he felt himself break out in a cold sweat.

Due to his demon heritage, the body had not begun to decay yet, and in fact still had the faintest aroma of roses about it. The skin was pale and it was easy to tell just by looking at it that it must be ice cold. The hands were folded over the chest and the redhead was dressed in a respectful black suit. In truth, he looked for all the world to be merely asleep.

Hiei swallowed thickly. He felt himself begin to tremble again and fought desperately against it. It wouldn't be a body for long, it would be him again. He just had to keep telling himself that.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Tejinashi questioned.

"Just get on with it!" Hiei growled impatiently.

"Very well," Tejinashi nodded. "Place the heart in the middle of his chest. Wait for my command to place your hands there." Tejinashi busied himself with a variety of colored liquids in bottles while Hiei retrieved the heart form his pocket. He stared at it for a long moment before closing his eyes and inhaling deeply through his nose. Over, it was finally going to be over. He would have his fox back. He almost smiled at the thought. Almost.

He turned back to the body, prepaired to follow Tejinashi's orders, when he realized something. He would have to move Kurama's hands from their folded position before he could place the heart in the correct spot. The thought sent a shiver up his spine. Grimacing, he reached his free hand into the coffin and gently took hold of Kurama's left wrist, the one on top. He was repulsed by how cold the skin was, but managed to hold it back as he placed the hand by the fox's side and proceeded to do the same to the right. With that gruesome task out of the way, he placed the crystal heart in the center of the chest and waited.

With the spell book propped opened on the casket's opened lid, Tejinashi began to chant in an ancient tongue, sprinkling the contents of his many bottles on and around Kurama as he spoke. Kurama's pale skin began to glow, faintly at first and then brighter until it was almost blinding. The wind was picking up again, buffeting them from every side.

"Now!" Tejinashi's voice broke the chant for an instant to shout at Hiei. Hiei hesitated for a moment; Kurama's parting words ringing in his ears. With one final deep breath Hiei leaned forward and placed his hands on either side of the heart on Kurama's chest.

The breath was instantly sucked out of him and his first instinct was to pull away, but he forced himself to remain where he was. He felt the power being drained from him, stolen from him. Every instinct cried out in outrage that he was allowing it to be taken, but he clamped down on it, a growl escaping his lips. _'It's for Kurama,'_ he shouted at himself, trying to justify his actions to his rebelling instincts.

He suddenly cried out in pain as his right arm throbbed. The dragon, it was taking the dragon! The creature's enraged roar filled his ears as the bandages were burned away in a blast of black fire. Another cry of pain escaped his lips as the dragon was literally ripped from his arm. Blood flowed from the torn skin and severed nerves burned with white hot pain. He doubted if he'd ever get proper use of his arm back as he blinked spots from his eyes, fighting desperately to stay conscious.

"Hiei!" a voice behind him made him turn his head. Hiei almost groaned at the sight. _'Not now!' _he growled inwardly. Of all times why did those two have to show up now?

Behind him stood Yusuke and Kuwabara, both staring with opened mouths at the sci-fi movie reminiscent scene before them.

"Shorty, what the hell are you doing!" Kuwabara shouted, a look of utter terror and bewilderment on his face.

Hiei opened his mouth to shout back at the both of them, but was interrupted as another scream of pain ripped past his vocal cords. The last of his abilities were being torn from him now, and it felt as if someone had physically reached a hand into his chest. Tears fell from his eyes as his knees gave way and he was forced to lean on the coffin. _'Just a little longer,'_ he willed himself to stay conscious. _'Just a little bit longer.'_

"Hiei!" Yusuke's voice broke through the haze of pain Hiei had suddenly been swallowed by. "Get away from that thing!"

Hiei ignored the shout, gritting his teeth and pushing harder against the motionless chest his hands rested on. He nearly blacked out as the final thread of power he possessed was yanked from him. Almost simultaneously the Crystal Heart began to glow. It was engulfed in crimson light and sank slowly into the fox's chest. Hiei held his breath for a moment, waiting…

Emerald eyes flew opened and Hiei's arms rose with the chest below them as the newly resurrected fox gave a great gasp. A genuine smile spread across Hiei's lips and he nearly laughed. He had done it, he had really done it. Kurama was alive!

Hiei's victory was short-lived, however. Another scream tore past his lips as a strange, unbearable pain swelled in his chest. He had kept contact to long. With no more power to drain the spell was taking life! Hiei tried to pull back but found that the spell had anchored him down and he was now too weak to break free. Fear froze his heart and he panicked, trying desperately to yank himself free.

"He's stuck!" Yusuke cried as he watched his friend struggle, unable to help due to the wall of swirling wind circling Hiei, the blue haired demon, and the coffin.

"His life is fading fast!" Kuwabara shouted over the wind, watching in disbelief. They had been sent here to capture Hiei, possibly even kill him, and here he had brought Kurama back to life. He hadn't been crazy after all. Despite their constant fights, Kuwabara had still always considered them friends on some level. Now he felt like crying at having ever doubted what his instincts had told him about Hiei. He had known from the start he couldn't have just gone insane like Koenma had said, but he had been talked into the idea and felt ashamed for it.

Yusuke suddenly raised his hand, index finger glowing. Kuwabara looked up sharply, staring in shock at the ex-spirit detective beside him.

"What are you doing!" he demanded.

"If I can land a blast right next to Hiei, maybe it'll be enough to knock him away from there," Yusuke explained as he aimed carefully, trying to adjust for the wind. Kuwabara had a distinctly bad feeling about that idea.

"Don't miss, Urameshi," he warned, turning his gaze back to the still struggling Hiei.

"I never miss," Yusuke replied a lot more cocky then he felt, firing the shot.

The next instant happened in slow motion for the two boys watching. Hiei gave one final yank backwards and managed to free himself. As he stumbled back, however, the blast from Yusuke hit the wall of air and spiraled out of control. Both Yusuke and Kuwabara tried to shout warnings, but it was too late. The blast rocketed recklessly through the air, passing through Hiei's unsteady body in an instant. It hit the wall of air a second time and was torpedoed strait up, soaring into the sky until it was lost among the stars.

Hiei stood, stunned. There was a dull ache in his abdomen and for a moment, all he did was stand there, blinking awkwardly. The spell having been completed, the wind died and a stillness overtook the hill top. No one moved or made any sound. All eyes were on Hiei.

Kurama lay in the casket, staring at the night sky above him. When he had first sorted out his surroundings, Hiei was there, but he was gone now. In fact, he couldn't see or even hear anyone. It was unsettling how eerily quiet everything had become. A sense of foreboding settled uncomfortably in the pit of his stomach an he sat up slowly. His joints were stiff and it hurt to move, but he managed to sit up.

When he was able to take in his surroundings, what little color he had regained drained from his face. He was aware of an unfamiliar presence behind him and he could see Yusuke and Kuwabara standing some ways away. Both of them looked shocked and as if they were about to be sick. Yusuke was on the verge of tears and his body trembled so intensely it was a wonder he was still standing.

But all of this was just background information that centuries of thieving had taught Kurama to take in all at once. His main focus was the figure standing just before him. There was Hiei, horribly pale and looking shocked. On hand clutch at a gaping wound just below his chest, the other was limp and bloody. He locked eyes with Kurama for a moment before a thin stream of blood broke free of his lips and he collapsed.

"Hiei!" Kurama cried, horrified. He scrambled out of the coffin and fell in a crumbled heap on the ground with none of his normal grace. His muscles were weak and useless, he couldn't walk and probably wouldn't be able to without pain for months at least. But none of that mattered now. If he couldn't walk he would crawl. Half dragging himself across the grass he somehow managed to make it to Hiei's side.

"Hiei!" Kurama grabbed the half-Koorime and flipped him onto his back. Garnet eyes that somewhat lacked their normal brightness sought out emerald. Hiei smiled through the blood.

"It worked…" he whispered, trailing off as a coughing fit brought a fresh wave of blood to his mouth.

"Shhh," Kurama shushed him, his voice trembling. "Don't talk." Hiei of course, ignored the order.

"You…said before…you'd explain," Hiei choked. He needed to know, if he was dying then he needed to know the truth of the past few days before he could ever find peace.

"Hiei…" Tears splashed down his pale cheeks as Kurama gently moved Hiei's head to lie in his lap.

"Oh gods…" Yusuke collapsed to his knees, tears staining his own cheeks. "What have I done?"

"Please…Kurama…I…I need…to know," Hiei's voice was now barely a whisper and each breath was a rasping wheeze that was painful to listen to.

Kurama nodded, more tears cascading down his face. "You were right…when you guessed that the crystal heart was a crystallized soul," Kurama began, trying to steady his voice as much as possible. "Somehow, you were able to contact me with the Jagan. But…But you were doing it subconsciously…or else the Jagan was doing it itself, because at first you could only reach me when you slept. I…I…" Kurama's voice cracked and he stopped, looking away. Hiei reach a hand up and entwined his fingers with Kurama's, giving him a gentle squeeze to prompt him to continue. Kurama took a steadying breath before doing so.

"I didn't realize what was happening at first, I didn't even remember the…the crystal heart. It wasn't until the third visit that I realized what was happening. I didn't want to confuse you any more then you already were, so I kept up the charade. I…," here he paused and laughed slightly, "I even imitated Yusuke." The small smile that had formed on the fox's face faded as he continued his story. "Once I had figured out what was happening, I was able to contact you through the Jagan even when you were awake. It took a lot of energy, but I even managed to reach you without pulling you into the crystal this last time."

Hiei gave a slight chuckle that immediately blossomed into a bloody cough. "All this time…I thought I'd lost you…and you were…literally in the palm of my hand." He looked up at Kurama, eyes shinning with something Kurama couldn't remember ever having seen there before…gratitude. "All the times…after you realized…It was like…you were trying to…teach me something new each time. I…should have…known then."

"Hiei, please, don't talk anymore. Save your energy," Kurama pleaded. This time Hiei really did laugh, earning him two fresh streaks of crimson to decorate his chin.

"_My _energy? Kurama…I don't…have any energy…anymore. It belongs…to you." Kurama suddenly looked horrified. A burning sensation on his arm that he hadn't noticed before made him pull the sleeve up. There, on his right forearm, was singed the black dragon that was absent from Hiei's battered limb.

"No…" Kurama whispered. He had harbored some hope that maybe, maybe Hiei might be able to heal himself enough to survive until they could get help, but if he had no energy…

"It's yours now…use it…wisely," Hiei murmured, staring at the dragon on Kurama's arm.

"I don't want it!" Kurama cried. He felt helpless. Hiei was dying and he couldn't stop it, he couldn't save him. "I don't want the dragon! I want you!" Kurama collapsed, sobbing into Hiei's chest. He was completely overwhelmed. He couldn't do anything and he was grief-stricken and frustrated and angry at everything, including himself. He was acting childish and he knew it, but he didn't care. He'd never acted childish before, even when he was a child, didn't he deserve to act that way at least once in his life?

"It figures…fate wouldn't be kind enough…to grant us both life," Hiei stated calmly, watching the night sky above him.

"Lucky for you, fate isn't the deciding factor here." A new voice made them all turn to see Koenma floating in his toddler form several feet above the ground.

"Koenma!' Yusuke cried, regaining his feet and watching the young ruler descend to the ground eagerly. "Do something! Save him!" Koenma gave him a glare that clearly said 'what do you think I'm doing?' before turning his attention to Hiei.

"Hiei, I hope you'll accept my most sincere apologies for ever suspecting you in this mess. I've been in contact with Mukuro and when she told me about the Crystal Heart…" Hiei growled and Koenma quickly cut his sentence short. Clearing his throat, he began again. "I'm sorry. You've always been a loyal team member and I had no right to lay the blame on you like that." Taking a step forward, he removed his pacifier. "Kurama, if you'd be kind enough to step back. Nice to see you by the way."

Kurama obediently got off of Hiei and watched as the pacifier glowed golden, the bright aura spreading over Hiei's body. The wound caused by the spirit gun closed and the cuts on his arm vanished, though not even Koenma's healing powers could fix the damaged nerves.

"About damn time," Hiei mumbled as exhaustion threatened to overwhelm him. "You talk…too…damn…much."


	10. Epilogue

Alright, here it is. The epilogue: the final chapter: the end. I've had a lot of fun driving Hiei nuts. I love to do that for some reason. n.n But all good things must come to an end, right? Before you even start asking for a sequel let me just say that there probably won't be one and even if there is it won't be for a while. This is for two reasons. The first reason is I hate getting sucked into that whole writing a sequel or series for every story I start thing. It gets really tiresome and I never follow through on it anyway because new story ideas come and take precedence. Secondly, I _must_ work on some things I've neglected for a while before I begin _anything_ new. I do plan on finishing every fic I start…at some point. So…yeah…that's pretty much it. You yaoi fans will just have to be content with my other shonen ai fic _9 Months_ for a while. That's just the way it goes. Also, please remember that I do _not _write lemons. Well, I hope you all enjoyed this story and, for the last time…ON WITH THE FIC!

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**H**iei was aware of several things before he even opened his eyes. First: he was in a bed, a very comfortable and large bed. Second: it was warm, cozy even, though he would never admit that. And third: he didn't know where he was and yet there was a vague familiarity to his unseen surroundings.

Slowly cracking his crimson eyes opened, he blinked at the bright room. Everything was white; the walls, the bed, the curtains, the door, everything. Bright light streamed through the opened window along with a strange scent. It smelt almost like rain but in truth was more sterile then rain's fresh clean. Only one place gave off that almost non-scent. The land of the dead: Reikai.

What was he doing in Reikai? Had he died after all? No, he distinctly remembered Koenma's healing. But then why…? The thought trailed off as he heard the door open and close behind him. Since his back was to the noise, Hiei nearly turned his head fully around to see who was there, a sight that greatly amused the one who had entered. Hiei's sleepy eyes widened at the sight.

There stood Kurama, chuckling lightly. He wore plain black pants and a white shirt with buttons up the front. He was leaning on a cane in his left hand and limped slightly as he approached the bed.

"Really Hiei," he smiled warmly at the stunned half-Koorime. "That was a rather good owl impression. The drowsy look on your face was a nice touch." Hiei just stared. He was here. The fox was sitting here on the bed next to him. He wasn't dead. He was alive. He was here!

"You know, it's not polite to stare, Hiei," Kurama teased, but Hiei didn't hear him as he threw his arms around the fox, burying his face in the redhead's chest. His right arm pained him and was stiff and hard to move, but he ignored it. His fox was back, and that was all that mattered now.

"Oh Hiei…" Kurama sighed affectionately, his own arms coming up to encircle the fire demon. He rested his head in a sea of soft ebony spikes, inhaling deeply. Gods, how he had missed that smell! In the crystal he had been merely a spirit and spirits have no sense of smell, something he had been deeply frustrated over.

"Hn. Baka kitsune," the muffled reply rose from somewhere below him and Kurama chuckled again. There was a long silence, no words were needed as the two sat there quietly, simply holding each other. Finally, Hiei's curiosity demanded attention.

"Kurama…?" he pulled back to see those stunning emeralds.

"Hmm?" Kurama replied, still wearing a smile. Hiei hesitated for a moment, wondering which question to ask. He had so many. Finally his eyes rested on the cane.

"Why were you limping?"

"You cannot lie immobile for three months and not pay the price in muscle mass, Hiei. Koenma managed to heal some of it, but the rest must be built up again naturally. Now it's my turn. How's your arm?"

"It's fine," Hiei answered quickly. Kurama gave him a semi-stern glare.

"Tell me the truth, Hiei," Kurama demanded. Hiei sighed. He knew what the fox wanted. He wanted details. H wanted to know every minor ach and pain and he wouldn't be happy until he got it…and Hiei would give it to him too. Hiei's lips curved into a smirk. When had he become so focused on pleasing the fox? He didn't know.

"It stings," he admitted finally, looking down at the appendage in question. There were no visible marks, but the damage had been done whether it was visible or not. "It's not easy to move and I doubt I'll ever regain fine motor movements. Now it's _my_ turn again. How's _your_ arm?"

It was Kurama's turn to sigh and he looked at his right arm almost sadly. The dragon had been sealed, bandages weaving the length of the limb as they had previously done on the half-Koorime.

"I'll never unleash the dragon," Kurama said almost to himself. "I'm not its true master and it knows that. I can't control it."

"Is it hurting you?" Hiei asked quietly. Transferring the dragon to Kurama had never been part of the plan. He still remembered the pain involved in mastering it back in the Dark Tournament.

"No," Kurama reassured him, kissing him gently over his warded Jagan. "There's no pain. But I won't deny I…worry over the shear power of the dragon." Hiei returned Kurama's consoling kiss, pecking the redhead's cheek.

"Don't worry," he advised, eyes trained on the bandaged arm. "If you keep it sealed like you said you would, you have nothing to fear."

Kurama continued to stare at his arm despite Hiei's reassurance. Nothing Hiei said would quell the deep seated fear in his heart or dispel the nightmares that haunted him with images of the massive dragon devouring him. Shaking his head, he forced the troubled thoughts back, realizing it was his turn in their question game.

"Hiei…" he trailed off. The question had been burning on his mind since the night he had been resurrected, but the events of that night were still too fresh…too painful. But for sheer luck Hiei had almost…

"What fox?" Hiei asked, noticing the redhead's far away look. Kurama blinked and then closed his eyes.

"Nothing," he muttered. "Nevermind."

"What were you going to ask Kurama?" Hiei demanded. Kurama never asked anything unless it was important.

"Hiei…I…" Kurama trailed off as Hiei continued to stare at him sternly. Those garnet orbs glinted with meaning and Kurama knew Hiei wouldn't let it go now. He sighed.

"Hiei…the night you brought me back…when you…when you…" he struggled to continue. He wanted to forget the events of that night, he didn't want to remember. Closing his eyes he forced himself to continue. "When you were…hurt…you gave me a look of gratitude when I told you the truth of the how we had been meeting. Why?"

Hiei was quiet for a moment, contemplating his response. "Because you taught me so much during that time," he said, choosing his words carefully.

"I 'taught' you?" Kurama repeated. Hiei looked up, meeting his eyes. Kurama almost gasped. There was a genuine smile spread across Hiei's face, so real it shone in his eyes.

"Yes," he replied, the smile never fading. "You taught me about…about _feelings_…about…things I never had any use for before…things I always deemed to be weaknesses. But they aren't, they aren't weaknesses at all. I was wrong. You showed me that."

Kurama was speechless as Hiei hugged him once more. He hadn't expected this. Even with all that had happened since the incident now almost four months ago that had started all this he had never imagined Hiei's cool attitude might be altered. He doubted the half-Koorime would act any differently towards the others, but it made a warmth blossom in his chest to think the fire demon had a new gentleness that was reserved only for him.

"My turn again," Hiei said as he pulled back, the smile having been replaced with one of his more usual stoic looks. "How long have I been asleep?"

"Five days now," Kurama answered. "We're in Reikai, incase you were wondering," he added.

"I know. Why?"

"Koenma offered to let me stay here until I decide what to do now," Kurama replied, continuing with the explanation at Hiei's puzzled look. "I've been dead for almost a third of a year, Hiei. My resurrection will not be easy to explain."

"The woman thinks you're dead," Hiei replied with a coldness completely at odds with the warmth he had claimed to have learned from Kurama. Perhaps he hadn't changed so much after all. "Why not take advantage of that?" Kurama shook his head.

"I cannot do that, Hiei. You of all people should realize the grief my death caused her. If I can relieve that grief, then I will." Hiei almost smiled again.

"I thought you'd say something like that," he shrugged, his manner surprising Kurama. He didn't seem angry or even disapproving as Kurama had expected. In fact, he seemed happy with Kurama's decision. A smile spread across the fox's face. Then again, maybe the fire demon _had_ changed.

"Why Hiei, I do believe you've grown—dare I say it?—_soft_," Kurama teased. Hiei's smile melted into a glare, but it held none of the cold harshness Kurama remembered so well. He looked to be more angry at himself then at Kurama. Garnet orbs dropped to the bed sheets and the room fell silent. Kurama blinked at this unusual attitude.

"Hiei…" he began. He tried to lean down to see the fire demon's face, but Hiei only twisted further away. His fists clenched in his lap, the right one only half closed, and Kurama didn't miss the small black sphere that fell to the white sheets below. Emerald eyes widened. Hiei was…crying?

"Hiei, I didn't mean to upset you," Kurama apologized quickly, but Hiei shook his head.

"Don't apologize," Hiei whispered. Kurama covered the now shaking half-Koorime's left hand gently with bandaged fingers.

"What is it? What's wrong?" he asked quietly. Hiei didn't answer for a long moment.

"This feeling…I…" Hiei trailed off. How was he supposed to explain this? Looking up, he found Kurama's concerned gaze on him and somehow found the strength to continue. "All my life I've been shunned. I've never had a…a…_home_ or a _family_. Yukina…Yukina has to stay away…for her own good…and I'm left alone. I thought I could handle that. I thought being alone was what I wanted. But…but after you…_died_…I was alone again…and it was unbearable. I've never felt that way before…so…_empty_. And now…now I feel so…_complete_…so…_warm_…I've never known anything like this before. I've known others who feel this way…and envied them…wished to have it for myself…but now that I do…what do I do with it?"

Kurama stared at Hiei without speaking. Those garnet orbs seemed to be searching, hoping, praying for an answer. Kurama felt his own eyes begin to sting and pulled the fire demon into a tight hug.

"You share it, Hiei," Kurama whispered into raven locks. "Share it with me as I do with you until it becomes not two people with the same feeling, but one feeling shared by two people." Hiei laughed a true mirthful chuckle.

"Can't you ever just give me a strait answer instead of speaking in riddles?" Hiei asked, pulling back slightly to see the redhead's face.

"Ah, but true answers must be found, not given. Otherwise, they are not truly _your_ answers," Kurama concluded. Hiei smiled at him.

"Alright then, how do I 'share' with you?" Hiei inquired, the smile leaning more towards a smirk with every word. Kurama mirrored the expression.

"How do you think?" Kurama replied. Hiei's eyes positively glowed with meaning, both hidden and obvious.

"Oh, I have a few ideas." Leaning up he captured the redhead's lips in his own, realizing in the back of his mind that this was the first time he had kissed the living redhead in nearly four months. _'Well then,'_ he thought, smirking inwardly, _'perhaps I had better make it special for him.'_ Opening his mouth, the kiss quickly escaladed in passion until Hiei found himself on his back, pinned to the bed.

"Perhaps…you'd like me to…_demonstrate_ a…preferred method of…'sharing'?" Kurama asked slightly out of breath, eyes glowing with passion. Hiei was finding it hard to breathe himself.

"H-hn. Whatever…pleases you…fox."


End file.
